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Pirate Capital Captain Jack Is Hiring!

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Last night we got a piece of devastating news. The Pirate that has stood in the lobby of Pirate Capital's 800 Connecticut Avenue office in Norwalk has gone missing. That's right-- the mascot who's been there through it all-- through the cockminnow fights on the floor, the trips to PetSmart, the proxy battle tee-shirts, the (spawn of) Michael Bolton years, the (spawn of) Michael Bolton abandonment, the AUM shrinkage, and the Sugar Daddy Days-- is no longer. And this got us worried. We hadn't heard from Tom Hudson and the swashbucklers in quite some time, and despite what we figured were assets under management of about 15-large, and the news that Tommy Boy had literally dug his own grave, we just thought that things would be okay. And then this. Getting rid of a stupid Pirate mascot might not seem like a big deal to some other fund managers but for Tom Hudson and his well known eye-patch fetish, it does not bode well. And it gets worse.

Wanting to make sure everyone was okay, we called up the Jolly Rogers this morning. And apparently, they're no longer going by the name Pirate Capital at all, which we gleaned by the receptionist answering (I shit you not), "Captain Jack, LLC." And that obviously raises a whole host of questions-- When did the name change go down? Did this have anything to do with Hudson wanting to distance himself from the whole bleeding out the ass business that occurred under the Pirate name? And did he think going with the same theme would be the best idea? Will the Pirate be replaced by a Johnny Depp statue from Madame Tussaud's? We don't have any answers at this time (people weren't in a very friendly mood over there this morning, particularly after I identified myself.) But while we wait for a call back, some great news for any completely desperate job seekers out there. We're told Captain Jack, LLC is hiring! It's unclear what positions are available at this time, but it's pretty obvious that if you're the spawn of a no-talent assclown you should get your res in ASAP.