As mentioned a few weeks back, Bill Ackman decided to hold an intimate little auction on December 8 to unload his "guest apartment" at the UWS's Majestic, after moving up the block to the Beresford at 211 Central Park West. Ack-boy said he would be playing the auctioneer himself and "provide some excellent wines for participants" in an attempt to get someone to lay down in the ballpark of $950,000. Sadly, the pad apparently only went for "about $320,000," which has got to hurt, as Ackman bought the place for $450,000 in 2007 and put in $250,000 in renovations. Next time, try Tequila (that's code for: roofies + steal the checkbook. Don't be a puss. You've got the balls to pitch a 1-stock fund, you can do this. I'll help).