Devastating News From Citadel

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Don't worry, investors, returns are still a' poppin'. But I cannot in good conscience not let you know that while your money is safe, for now, it's very likely that your next letter from Chicago is going to be a tear stained one. He's putting on a brave face, but Ken Griffin is hurting. We've just received word that after paying $11.38 million for two lots at the Four Seasons' Hualalai resort, for the express purpose of being neighbors with Cher, the singer has up and decided to auction off her property next door.


Ken is too much of a gentleman to say this but I am a much less genteel person and therefor have no problem asking, HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO KG, YOU BITCH? Those karaoke nights he planned on? Ruined! Is it because he's not gay? YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE GAY TO LOVE CHER, CHER! Is it because he's not a cross dresser? Is that it? Were you holding out for Ping Jiang?

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