Skip to main content

We Will Probably Never Find Out The True Shape Of Jeffrey Epstein's Penis

  • Author:
  • Updated:

Well, this is a setback. Back in September, Jeffrey Epstein was deposed re: spending time sans pants with a 15 year-old and asked, "Is it true that you have an egg-shaped penis?". Apparently this made Mr. Sensitive feel uncomfortable, so much so that he had to storm out of the room in a huff, when what he should've done was dropped trou and said "You tell me." Anyway, we were slightly skeptical-- does such a thing exist in nature?-- but assumed we'd get an official answer soon. Today, our curiosity has been dealt a blow.

Jeffrey Epstein's penis cannot be examined by lawyers for women who say the billionaire sex offender abused them, a Palm Beach, Fla., judge ruled Monday.

The shape of Epstein's penis is not relevant to the civil cases against him, Circuit Judge Donald Hafele ruled. If it becomes relevant, Hafele said he would reconsider the request.

So there's hope but it doesn't look good. I leave it to you ladies to figure this one out.
Earlier: Jeffrey Epstein Will Neither Confirm Nor Deny The Allegedly Bizarre Shape Of His Penis