Goldman Sachs is set to report bonus numbers next week, after postponing the good news by several days. This has made a lot of people very upset! Some, because they think it's a vast conspiracy, rather than a logistical move (LB needs to have the golden scrots rotated before he can make it rain ka-ching! on his employees' faces), others because they just wanna know so bad! Who can eat, sleep or get on with his/her life until we know what Goldman Sachs employees are making??? GS Bonus Day is the most exciting event of the year and you put it off any longer and it's likely some people might actually burst. And it's not just deeply disturbed navel gazers who need to know now it's everyone! It's journalists! It's financial services hacks at other banks! It's Dick Bové coping by chain smoking and biting her nails down to nothing! It's Gary Busey! It's John Mack, who can barely keep his legs crossed! It's the Goldman Sachs Value Stock Tips Guy (remember him? Tear)! It's Ping Jiang, death-gripping his favorite whiteboard marker! It's Larry Summers, losing* his shit! It's Jeff Gundlach, watching Bone Us Day Volume 19 on loop! It's Goldman employees, as captured by the Guardian! Such as this kid, running to the Falafel truck!
The guy behind him? Less excited. (Managing his expectations but amped nonetheless? Instructed by Lloyd to act natural when communicating with the outside world? Not so hungry?)
Goldman Sachs likely to pay out $20bn in salary and bonuses [Guardian]
*Literally, fecal matter is running down both of LS's legs, having lost control of his bodily functions hours ago. That's how excited he is.