Depraved Reuters Reporter Violates Stephen Schwarzman, Erin Andrews-Style

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We've written previously about the sick sons of bitches running the smut factory known as the Wall Street Journal. So this is the sort of thing I would expect from them, and not from Felix Salmon or the rest of the gang at Reuters but surprise! I was wrong. After the jump-- I won't put these obscenities on the main page of an upstanding financial publication with standards and good taste-- a moment between unsuspecting Steve Schwarzman and a banana is salaciously captured so perverted little voyeurs like yourself can get off at your desks.

Is this what you do, Felix? You go around with your one hand on your video camera and your other hand on your Salmon, assembling footage for Wall Street Honchos Gone Wild, without their consent? Who's your next victim? Lloyd and the hot nuts he enjoys every afternoon? How's the peephole to Jamie Dimon's executive washroom coming along? This is some fucked up shit, even for you. Having said that--now that we're here-- perhaps a few tips for Mr. Steve? Don't be so matter a fact about it. Vary your pace- slow it down, speed up, take a big bite and then a couplea little ones. Use two hands. Yeah, just like that. Drizzle some chocolate on the tip. See if you can stick the whole thing in at once. Try it with Pop Rocks. Etc.
Stephen Schwarzman Eating A Banana [Felix Salmon via BI]


Stephen Schwarzman Supposedly Not Interested In 'Mommy Porn'

50 Shades of Grey is the first book in a trilogy about the relationship between a recent college graduate, Anastasia Steele, and a "young business magnate," Christian Grey, the former being employed as a sex slave of the latter, who has a room in his apartment called the "Red Room of Pain," where his sadomasichistic directives go down. The books have been dubbed "mommy porn" and are apparently huge among married women over thirty who are using the "tantalizing tale to spice up their sex lives." Naturally, the subject came up last night at a party attended by some billionaires and their wives. Stephen Schwarzman [attended the event] with his wife, Christine Schwarzman, who said she's just finished reading the novel "50 Shades of Grey," which is "definitely not for Steve," who likes the thriller writer Lee Child. While the Blackstone CEO maybe be (allegedly) too good for billionaire BDSM tales, we're pretty sure most of his peers have found themselves unable to put the page-turners down and don't care who knows it. To that end, we've sent out detailed questionaires to top CEO and hedge fund managers to find out how many other "out and proud" readers of erotic literature there are among Wall Street's elite. Apparently Jimmy Cayne went through the trilogy in "less than a week." Bill Cunningham on Borrowed Dresses, Charity Galas, Astor [Bloomberg]