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Live-Blogging The Bankers

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9:07 Why does Mack look huge?
9:09 Blankfein: Goldman Sachs was started in 1869 by a guy named Marcus Goldman. Today, we may or may not employ a guy related by blood to Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino.
9:11 Blankfein: "size matters." (Sheryl Weinstein nods gravely while watching from home.)
9:16 FYI, Goldman was profitable in 2008, which is more than I can say for some people. Also, we've been reducing risk since 2007, don't know if you knew that.
9:20 First of nine hundred instances in which the panelists are told to press the button and speak into the mic (they're apparently "distance sensitive").
9:21 Jamie Dimon's here for "brutal honesty." And he doesn't blame the regulators.
9:29 John Mack: these last two years have been wild. Let me walk you through it, starting with the night I told Geithner to go fuck himself.
9:35: Mack wants a systemic risk regulator to pry the crackpipe out of his colleagues' hands.
9:38 Brian Moynihan is excited to be sitting at the big kid's table. Ken Lewis is excited to be sleeping in, again.
9:40 Bonuses at BAC will be higher than last year, but nothing too crazy, like I hear they'll be over at this guy's shop [motions to LB]
9:43 The vast majority of Bank of America employees were not responsible for our fuck ups. In fact, only one comes to mind, who's no longer with us.
Questions
9:45 Mr. Blankfein, tell us about two times that you screwed up, real bad, and why you're sorry. And if you could actually say "I'm sorry" again, I think watching would love that. I want to hear you say it. And I want you to dance puppet, dance.
9:52 LLOYD IS GONNA CUT A BITCH!!


10:02 LB doesn't know if Goldman didn't need government intervention. What he does know is that you interrupt him one more time, Hoss, and he's going to come down there and give you a crew cut you freaky piece of shit.
10:06 Bill Thomas, hacking up a lung, would like people to know that he doesn't have enough time to ask the questions he wants, so he'll ask none. He thinks everyone watching should email these guys with their questions. (Amber Tamblyn behind him agrees.) Everyone likes to get email right? It's so fun, you open up your in-box and it's like a little treat. You know who loves emails? Bill Thomas. Go ahead. Send him one. 'Bill Thomas' all one word, at 'fcic' dot gov. If you have any questions for these guys, you can email them directly, or, if you'd prefer, you can email me, Bill Thomas, and what I'll do is then forward the email to one of these guys.
An approximation of the face LB was making during BT's time, except that his mouth was open more, and he had a thought bubble above his head asking, "Are you going to make a point, Fattie? Or just gonna ramble? Point, or ramble?

10:17 Heather Murren: Mr. Blankein, were you asked to take less than 100 cents on the dollar in AIG payments?
Lloyd: No. And yes, the golden scrots are not just a myth. If you'd like I'll give you a peek at them after this thing gets out. Is it me, Heather, or does it feel like we're the only two people in this room?
10:25 Bill Thomas: Am I to understand, Mr. Blankfein, that you award compensation in part in stock? Is that what am to understand? Mr. Blankein?
10:41: Did Jamie Dimon really need to get out of bed for this?
10:46 Mack: We've instituted a clawback feature on our bonuses. I, of course, haven't been paid in the last two years, so no worries there.
10:50 What do you think Vikram is doing right now?
10:56 This is getting boring. Let's watch a replay of LB bringing it earlier:

11:29 Bill Thomas's "bespoke always costs more than the general" gets a wink from John Mack.
11:34 Jamie Dimon's response to the umteenth request to get closer to the mic is "I can't get any closer. I'm going to have to come sit up there [implication that it'll be on one of their laps]" and that's why he's the man.
11:45 Jamie's brother has a PhD in physics, and thinks trading boring. JD: "Different strokes for different folks."
11:58: Besides the testiness, one of the best things about today are the ample opportunities for Lloyd to give everyone his amazing stink-eye. Definitely going to have to do a gallery of those bad boys. Here's a beauty, courtesy of Daily Intel:

Related

Bloomberg: Not One Bank CEO Can Fill Jamie Dimon's Shoes, Especially Not That Guy From Australia Who Doesn't Own An Iron

Earlier today, Bloomberg ran a lengthy piece about the latest crisis on Wall Street: a lack of Jamie Dimon. Specifically, a lack of Jamie Dimon telling meddlesome regulators, anti-industry populists, know-nothing Congressmen, and hypocrite bastard newspapers where they can go and what they can suck. True, it's not as though he's gone anywhere, and he's still reminding people "it's a free fucking country" but "juggling multiple investigations and a $5.8 billion trading loss on wrong-way bets on credit derivatives" has left his hands a little tied and, some believe, cost him his once untouchable "stature" in the industry. And while one should never simply offer problems without solutions, Bloomberg isn't gonna sugarcoat this one: when it comes to "any kind of credible statesmen" to step in for JD, Wall Street is shit out of luck and not just because no one besides Lloyd came close in sales of their respective Bankers At Work And Play pin-up calendars. Among current CEO's, Lloyd Blankfein, Brian Moynihan and Vikram Pandit are deemed too busy "fixing their own firms or repairing their reputations," while Wells Fargo chief John Stumpf, though respected among his peers, is ruled out due to geography (“Part of Jamie’s fitting into that role was his natural brashness as a Wall Streeter and New Yorker, and that is not John"). But hey, what about that James Gorman guy? Runs Morgan Stanley, is based in New York, has been known to put a foot up an ass when necessary? Don't even get Bloomberg started. James Gorman, 54...doesn’t fit the Wall Street titan stereotype. The Australian prefers a rumpled tuxedo he bought as a business school student in 1980 to Armani for black- tie events, and he stocks Vegemite in the executive kitchen. Or maybe perhaps all that makes him perfect for the gig? The way we see it, Jim Gorman doesn't have the time or patience for fancy extras like unwrinkled suits and burgers made from foie gras-fed cows. All he cares about is not taking shit, or prisoners. Someone asks him, "What is this Vegemite stuff," he knocks their two front teeth out. You suggest maybe he could have ironed his shirt before that gala, he takes out that iron and smashes you in the face with it. You want a worthy successor for the job, you've got him. Wall Street Leaderless In Rules Fight As Dimon Diminished [Bloomberg]