10:58 Hold music. "Highway To Hell" vetoed in favor of Beethoven's Seventh Symphony (I think?).
11:02 Gerald is our "facilitator" today. Everyone say hi Gerald.
11:04 Dane Holmes, 6'8", 260lbs, takes the mic. Forward looking statements, yada yada yada.
11:06 David Viniar in the house. Goldman made almost $5 billion last quarter, in case you were unaware.
11:09 Reading of the slides.
11:15 Here's where I really want you people to listen, k? Compensation is 20% lower than 2007, which "reflects the extraordinary events of 2009," wherein certain motherfucks, for example MATT TAIBBI, etc, would not get off our asses. Wanna know another thing? Even though we didn't have to consult Ken Feinberg re: what we're paying our employees, because unlike certain other fuck-ups, we've paid back the TARP we never needed in the first place, we did anyway and that would be because we're trying to be responsible members of society, and because you've got our balls in a vice (same reason we adopted the kittens). No money was set aside for compensation in the fourth quarter, and we took $500 million out of our partners' pockets and put it toward charity. Kiss my ass and suck my dick, everyone. (Just kidding! Only do it if you want to.)
11:20 Headcount for Q4 was at 32,500, down 6 percent year-on-year but up 3 percent from the third quarter. We love people. We're a people firm.
Guy Mozolowski: Can you give any guidance about revenue/comp ratio?
Dave V: Guy, you know I'm so bad at that.
Glenn Schorr: The stuff Obama's proposing today, re: restrictions on banks' proprietary trading...would that be bad? For Goldman Sachs.
Dave V: Yeah, Glenn it'd be real bad.
Guy who's name I missed: So with that charitable contribution your partners are making-- will there be a tax write-off there? 'Cause I'm on to you guys.
David V: Cut his mic.
Meredith Whitney: [makes a joke about how no one's going to listen to her question because Obama's talking now...]
Mike Mayo: What would you do if Obama restricted the so-called walled off proprietary businesses?
David V: Weep into a gossamer pillow.
Mike Mayo: No, I'm being serious.
David V: So am I.
Mike Mayo: David!! Stop, tell me!!
David V: I have no idea, Mayo. We have no plan in place. I'll be sure to call you when we figure it out.