God's Top Negotiator Brokers Peace In The Middle East

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The kittens were safe. The first-years had completed the safety seminar on how to operate their nuclear-powered testicles (there are special washing instructions). The clients were front-run. The ignoramuses, bitch-slapped. With everything in order at the House of Goldman Sachs, and with an opening in his schedule, Lloyd Blankfein apparently finally found the time the other night to check off a task he hasn't been able to line-out on his To Do list for a while: improve Israeli-Palestinian relations. Sure, sure, it seems like kind of an insurmountable task, given how the two sides have gotten along, historically, but this is LB we're talking about, and you'd be hard-pressed to find two groups, no matter how bitterly they've fought and disagreed in the past, who would deny a common appreciation for that gorgeous pate. That's all it takes.

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