Hooters For Sale, Those Morally Opposed To Food Eating Contests Need Not Apply

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Updated:: Jan 14, 2019
Original:: Feb 10, 2010

Great news for those of you who love delicious wings served in tank-tops: Hooters is on the block. The restaurant needs cash, ASAP, and analysts are guesstimating it could probably be yours for about $250 million. There may be a few issues for you to deal with upon acquiring the place, namely getting rid of this guy (though hopefully not food eating contests on a voluntary basis in general, as there's no need to punish everyone):

If an upcoming episode of the CBS reality show "Undercover Boss" is any indication, there may be management issues, too. In an episode slated to run Sunday, CEO Coby Brooks discovers a restaurant supervisor staging an eating contest for female employees, forcing them to bury their faces in platefuls of food without using their hands.

"Ladies, if you want to leave early today, you're going to play my reindeer game," the manager says, howling "Hoooo, doggie!" as the women eat.

Also, if you think you want a piece of this, you'd better act fast. The company is said to be in advanced talks with a Connecticut-based investor.

It's another vending machine challenge and you know how we feel about those (too much time, not enough food, doesn't put hair on anyone's chest) BUT it does involve a contract (described as "amazing" by the half of Dealbreaker that was at one time licensed to practice law in New York), the terms of which state that in the event of a loss, the loser will pay for a lunch he's not invited to, so we've got award points for that.

As you all are well aware, from time to time we cover food eating challenges around these parts. We don't chronicle all the feats of gastrointestinal fortitude that come our way, though, because while we love you all, not all of your FECs constitute what we'd consider an actual challenge worth covering. As previously discussed, our high bar has everything to do with the first contest we ever wrote about (as a postmortem), which involved a man named Oyster Boy, who consumed 244 oysters in 1 hour at Ulysses, throwing down the gauntlet down for one of you to pick up, vis-à-vis goring yourself for sport. Do we really expect anyone to match OB in magnitude or strength of stomach lining? No, we do not. Having said that, "challenges" such as eating 8 vending machine items in 12 hours (or in an unlimited amount of time!) are not going to cut it. It's not an exact science but we look for FECs that are imaginative, topical, and/or represent a high degree of difficulty. (And while we wouldn't actually advise it, live streaming the whole thing would make our day.) Which brings us to today's challenge. It occurred at an investment bank in midtown and although it loses points for not letting us know ahead of time so that we could chronicle the thing in real time, there are a number of things we like about it. Intern vs. VP. [Redacted] intern's last day (ever?). A dozen donuts each from our friends at DD. 1 hour limit to finish...Intern: larger build, 6'1" and extremely ambitious. VP: fit and 5'8" with a vicious appetite. Identical donut selection includes: - 2 chocolate - 2 glazed - 1 sugar - 2 strawberry frosted - 2 chocolate frosted - 1 blueberry - 1 Oreo crumble - 1 Boston creme VP downed the whole thing in 13:31. Intern disappointingly tapped out shortly after at 9 donuts and a bite. Intern is feeling "terrible," is alternating between a sugar rush and mild depression, and wants to sleep under his desk. It's not clear what's going on in his mind and body. Besides looking very uncomfortable, he's having a hard time responding to questions with any answer besides "I don't know." He's buying drinks for everyone tonight. Obviously there's zero sense of urgency here as a result of getting a recap rather than doing it live. But! Twelve adult-sized donuts (as opposed to a bunch of munchkins)? Good. Thirteen minutes for the whole spread? Good. Pitting a superior against an underling (rather than making a couple of interns race each other)? GOOD. Take these ideas, particularly the last one and run with them. Feel free to come up with your own but at least just consider making founder vs. peasant/30 minutes/2 chocolate fountains each/70-100 items to dip/race to the finish happen.