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Jamie Dimon Wanted In Hotlanta

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Jamie Dimon is the most-loved CEO on Wall Street. There's no debating that. Obama loves him, the press loves him, tweens love him, we love him. He's devastatingly charming, handsome, and smart. He's got integrity oozing out of every orifice. He's funny. Good at basketball. He can fix things around the house. The list goes on. There is one thing you don't know about JD, though. Despite having a pretty jam-packed schedule, what with his job running a multi-billion dollar corporation and beating men, women and children off with a stick, he's somehow found the time to fit in bi-weekly runs to Atlanta. To dump used tires. Illegally. According to City Solicitor Raines Carter. Who's issued a warrant for Jamie's arrest.

Atlanta City Solicitor Raines Carter told CBS Atlanta News that the city has issued an arrest warrant for the person they believe is responsible for an illegal tire dump located at 1462 Memorial Drive. "We have filed a citation against this entity and it is our intention to prosecute this entity in court for that violation," said Carter.
The city solicitor said a bank executive in New York is the person responsible for cleaning up the hundreds of tires that are piled up on the property. The arrest citation names James Dimon as the responsible person. He's the CEO of JPMorgan Chase Bank.
"It is certainly our intention for him to be aware of this because we want something done about this as soon as possible," said Carter

Yeah! How they gonna make JD "aware" of this? Meeting him at the gate Hartsfield-Jackson between connecting flights and slapping cuffs on his ass, that's how! Then sentencing him to community service, Boy George-style. That'll send a message.