Mark And Andy Madoff's Asses Frozen

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You know who it sucks to be right now, just a little bit? Me, because our servers are momentarily fucked 6 (thousand) ways 'til Sunday, 1 out of every 789 attempts at publishing is successful (like this one, if you're reading it!), and most people can't get on the site anyway. You know who else has also seen better days? Mark and Andy Madoff, who recently signed agreements with Irving Picard, the trustee overseeing the liquidation of Bernie "Known In M&A's Houses As 'You're Not Our Real Dad!'" Madoff's estate. The agreements require the spawn of Berns to, among other things, have their personal assets frozen, not rack up debt of more than $1,000, and submit monthly expense reports wherein the fish fetishists will be copping to spending 5 large apiece on top of the line fishing vests that promise to make your dick look huge ("in the event you get the opportunity to drop trou out there") and you don't even want to know how much on bespoke restraints that'll fit most bass. Other people singing It Sucks To Be Me today include John Paulson and Citi (nothing happened just, you know, in gen). So I'm going to mosey on out of here circa right now. Things will be better on Monday, and if they're not, for a nominal fee I'll come to your offices and perform my posts live, sock puppets included. Actually, I might do that regardless.
Update: Surely it's no coincidence that somehow I'm able to get in to spread the word that Lloyd Blankfein will be taking a mere $9 million bonus (no cash) this year, and likely donating all the shares to a fund set up for curing feline AIDS.

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