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What Will Tiger Woods Be Telling Us Today?

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CNBC has the six-boxer and BREAKING NEWS banner out so fine, let's get into this. What do we think the li'l fella's gonna talk about today?
11:01 Many people in the room know him. (Some biblically?)
11:02 His real apology to Elin will not come in the form of words ('cause money talks bull shit walks, bitches).
11:03 Is he going to cry?
11:06 "Elin deserves praise, not blame" (who's blaming her?)
11:07 "I thought I worked hard all my life and deserved to take part in the temptations that surrounded me." [Eliot Spitzer nods gravely at home]
11:08 Why is this happening?
11:08 Character and decency, yada yada yada
11:09 Parents used to point to me as role models for their kids, now they just look at me as a big whore.
11:10 They sent me to rehab; I have a long way to go; just this morning, on the way here, I stopped at an IHOP and you have no idea how hard it was for me lay that ass across the griddle and give it the Tiger.
11:10 BTW- I never used steroids
11:12 Little known fact-- I was raised a Buddhist. But I've strayed from those teaching in recent years.
11:13 I'm going to get even more therapy.
11:14 He's going to go back to golf some day, one day, but probably not today.
11:15 Okay it's time for this:

11:16 Extended hug for everyone in the audience.
First Reactions
FYI: Larry Kudlow thought it was a phenomenal apology, and he, as someone "familiar with the 12-Step Program," loved the emphasis on step 9, the making of amends.