Before Shoving A [Female Hormone Pill] Down Your Junior Trader's Mouth, Consider Butching Up Your Bitches

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If women ran Wall Street, Lehman Brothers, Merrill Lynch and LTCM would all be in business today, according to this article, which today raises the debate that's been raised just a few (million) times since the crisis started. Females are more risk averse, the presence of testosterone breeds more testosterone (whereas environments with less T 'cause your levels to decrease, as in the case of stay-at-home daddies), women are "more likely to admit that they’re wrong, faster," men are more likely to engage in pissing matches with each other (which was the subject of Audur Capital founder Halla Tómasdóttir's doctoral thesis entitled "The Great Big Penis Competition: The Story of Mergers and Acquisitions in Iceland"), blah blah blah. For those of you who want to take this "women make better money managers in the long run" theory (which holds that the ladies might not make you as much money in the short term but probably won't blow up your firm like some people) for a spin but already have a team in place, a word of advice.

According to Doug Hirschhorn, a “peak performance coach to Wall Street traders" consulted for the story, Andrew Tong is the exception, not the rule. Don't waste your time trying to find the perfect pair of panties for your male colleagues to report to work wearing. Instead, focus on spiking the girls' morning coffee with T and teaching them to spit. That's where you're gonna see results.

While he was working on his Ph.D. in sports psychology, Hirschhorn got an offer to join what was then one of the largest proprietary trading firms in the country—with 1,200 traders, many of them former sports players—and help them improve their trading. “What was most interesting to me, was that out of the twenty women who were there, five of them were tremendously successful, so the ratio of success for the women was 25 percent, whereas it was maybe 2 percent for the men,” he says. He found that it was easier to teach women when to be more aggressive than it was to lessen the overaggression of the males.

“I’ve always kept it in the back of my mind,” he continues. “I always thought it was the overlooked aspect of Wall Street—there are very few women in high positions.”

Hirschhorn is peddling his ideas about gender and risk to a number of investment banks. “They could hire twenty elite women and mentor and develop them to become super-traders,” he says. So far, he’s had few takers. “Their philosophy is hire 1,000 men, and if three become rock stars, that pays for the whole model.”

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