Charlie Gasparino: Lloyd Blankfein Gets A Lotta Hate Mail

Author:
Updated:
Original:

Charlie Gasparino reports that his sources are telling him Lloyd Blankfein and Goldman Sachs are so despised the world over that they get "75 to 100 pieces of hate mail in a single day." Chaz wanted to give us a specific number, but doing so would've given away the fact that he himself has been the one faithfully clipping letters from newspapers and magazines each night to send LB variations on "you got some stugots not callin' me back, Lloyd!" ("you better fuckin' call me back, Lloyd!" and "do not test my patience Lloyd or I'm gonna make a bank holding company out of your stugots, LLOYD!"). So, a range of 75-100 it is.

Gaspo also reports, through gritted teeth, that Goldman has bigger things to worry about than his letters, namely "the future of Goldman given all the new regulations that are likely to come out of Washington in the coming months." But don't fooled: Goldman is indeed miffed about the shit they keep getting for doing nothing wrong, while other banks like, I don't know, JPMORGAN could dispatch their CEO to teabag the homeless guy on Park and everyone would crow about what a great and generous guy that Jamie is, to share his balls with someone in need. That why Goldman, according to CG, is considering "launching an all-out media offensive including for the first time TV ads." So! In what sort of scenarios would you like to see Lloyd placed in said ads? Obviously the commercials will have to demonstrate that GS gets it, so should LB be somber? Should he offer an on-air apology? Should he give the people what they really want, by which I mean film himself performing one of these four tasks? Everyone's open to suggestions but I think the last one would go pretty pretty pretty far in ingratiating LB and GS to the people.

Related

Lloyd Blankfein Finally Gets To Be The Prettiest Girl At The Ball

Time was, Jamie Dimon was the most popular CEO on Wall Street and America's "Least Hated Banker," for reasons that included the fact that the man has soulful blue eyes, charisma out the ass, and was in charge of one of the banks that a) didn't go out of business during the financial crisis, like Lehman and Bear and b) supposedly didn't actually need the bailout money the government made it take (as JD has said previously), like Bank of America and Citigroup. The man, in the hearts of many and especially the adoring press, could do no wrong. Which is why it probably stung a lot that Lloyd Blankfein, a Wall Street CEO who also possesses more charm than a person would know what do do with, who was also in charge of a bank that neither went out of business during the financial crisis nor required the bailout money it was forced to take (according to GS), and who is also the owner of a pair of baby blues, though in his case ones that sparkle, could only do wrong. And while LB is not one to gloat at another's misfortune, especially that of a friend, he's obviously feeling pretty good about being living proof of the old saying, "only one Wall Street CEO's balls can be in a vise at a time," and right now it's JD's turn. Dimon did not attend the annual Robin Hood Foundation party [last night], but Blankfein was there, enjoying a rare night out of the spotlight. He shook hands, introduced his wife and, grinning broadly, posed for pictures. For months, Goldman Sachs has been portrayed as the callous Wall Street behemoth whose executives collected giant bonuses while America's housing crisis worsened and unemployment rose. But Monday night was different. "No one cares about Lloyd tonight. It is Jamie against the world, and that's got to feel good for Lloyd," another hedge fund manager said. And this is just the beginning. First, they stop calling you Satan and claiming you poisoned their food, next glowing profiles and cover stories devoting major column inches to your rippling biceps and the throngs of women you beat off with a stick. Dimon Pushes Blankfein Off Hot Seat At Charity Gala [Reuters] Robin Hood Scene: Blankfein, Soros, Rihanna [Bloomberg/Photo]