Hank Paulson Is Soliciting Headline Suggestions For His Obituary

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Hank Paulson was recently interviewed for the latest issue of The DAM, Dartmouth's alumni magazine, by fellow Dartmouth grad, Jake Tapper. The Kegs talk about a whole mess of topics, including but not limited to gal-pal Tim Geithner (the two have an "excellent" relationship), Paulson's hippie daughter Amanda (her friends in college were people son Merritt would call "granolas," if you know what HP means and I think you do), his nickname to SAE fraternity brothers ("The Phantom," because no one ever saw the shady motherfucker), Christian Science (when Hank prayed during the crisis, it was "for humility, to take ego
out of it, for insight and judgment and wisdom"), and the worst kind of heave (sayeth Big P: "All my life, if I’m really exhausted—it doesn’t happen much—I will have dry heaves"). Then Tapper steers the conversation toward his subject's death, like any seasoned pro is trained to do (my preference is to ask at the beginning of the conversation, as an ice breaker, but anywhere you can fit it in is fine). "What might be the headline of your obituary?" Jake wonders aloud. This is Paulson's response.

“Was Treasury Secretary During the Biggest Financial Crisis Since the Great Depression and Worked with Ben Bernanke and Tim Geithner to Successfully Prevent a Collapse of the Financial System. Worked with Limited Tools to Prevent It.” Since I believe those are the facts I don’t see that as disputable by reasonable people who understood what was going on.

Clearly this sucks, and is an obvious ploy for us to come up with something better while there's (presumably) still time (he's got a cold coming on and with the ixnay on the whole oughcay yrupsay hingtay, you never know). My vote is for it to involve birds and/or Ken Lewis. Get cracking.

paulson 2 [The DAM, PDF via Heidi Moore]

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