Jamie Dimon's Dream Of So You Think You Can Dance Domination Inching Closer To Reality


In our last edition of "Things you thought you knew re: James Dimon but were in fact dead wrong about," we told you that contrary to the belief of certain prosecutors, Dimon does not in fact have time to make bi-weekly runs to Atlanta, to dump used tires, illegally. Today it's a matter of taste. Specifically that of TV. Most of you wrote in to say you took JD for a Jersey Shore kinda guy. Well you were wrong, fucksticks! If you know anything about the JPMorgan CEO, it's that he loves a good fight and if he can throw down with his dancing feet as opposed to fisticuffs? ALL THE BETTER.

One Equity Partners, J.P. Morgan Chase & Co.'s private-equity arm, is nearing a deal to buy out CKX Inc., the owner of the blockbuster television enterprise "American Idol" and "So You Think You Can Dance," for roughly $6 a share, according to people familiar with the matter. Robert F.X. Sillerman, chief executive of CKX, would retain his roughly 20.6% stake as part of the proposed deal.

Lest there be any confusion, Dimon thinks AI is shit, but sometimes you have to suck it up in order to get what you want. Having said that, if Ryan Seacrest thinks he's pull his prima donna crap with JD, he's got another thing coming.

One issue for the company is that it is costly to keep the talent happy. The company, for example, recently paid Ryan Seacrest to $15 million to retain him for future projects and for the rights to market his name and image, according to analysts.

He'll take what Dimon pays him and he'll like it or guess what? It'll be live from the red carpet with the CEO of JPMorgan Chase.

What's American Idol Really Worth?


His Trophy Case Full, Jamie Dimon Leaves Competitive Dancing To The Rest Of The Family

[caption id="attachment_73269" align="alignright" width="260" caption="People who *can* dance"][/caption] There are a lot of things Jamie Dimon is very, very good at: building a fortress balance sheet, chatting up reporters in elevators, doing sake bombs, and being appreciably better looking than his peers, to name just a few. In other areas, the JPMorgan CEO has left room for improvement. For example, his dancing skills, about which Dimon's own wife and mother are unsparing in their directness at this point. JPMorgan Chief Executive Officer Jamie Dimon “is a terrible dancer,” his wife, Judy Dimon, said last night at a gala for Ballet Hispanico, of which JPMorgan was the lead sponsor. She then moved her shoulders straight up and down to demonstrate what the 56 year-old leader of the biggest US bank, with $2.27 trillion of assets at year-end, does on the dance floor. Jame Dimon's mom, Themis Dimon, was no more encouraging. Is he a good dancer? "No," she said, shaking her head. Jamie Dimon wasn't present to prove otherwise. “Unfortunately he couldn’t be here tonight because he had another commitment,” said his wife, a Ballet Hispanico board member and the event’s honorary chairman. Too bad. Jamie Dimon missed a good party. His wife, in a slim-fitting coral gown, danced a salsa with New York Giants wide receiver Victor Cruz, reminiscent of his moves in the end zone after scoring a touchdown. Speaking of people who can hold their own on the dance floor? “We like to dance,” Jamie Dimon's father Theodore Dimon, there with his wife and Jamie's twin brother, told Bloomberg. “We dance the fox trot -- it’s nice and easy.” Scene Last Night: Victor Cruz, Dimon for Ballet Hispanico [Bloomberg]

So This Is Jim Cramer Talking About Jamie Dimon's Capitol Hill Appearance

"He didn't win. He's a loser. How? You lose when you go in front of Congress and you lose when you go out. Anyone that declares him a winner is wrong...He walked in a loser. Testified. Walked out a loser. And by the way, he agrees with me. He knows he's a loser with no control and doesn't even know what happened in his own bank...A loser. Crisis PR is psychiatry. You go in there as a guy who is stupid, you don't come out being smarter. You don't. You come out just as stupid...He's a loser...This is not Michael Corleone with Frank Pentangeli in the back of the room. This is not Nevada gaming licenses...He's a loser. It's okay, man. He's a loser. Maybe next year he'll be a winner but he is a loser. Okay."