Confidential To Steve Schwarzman: Charlie Gasparino Thought The Food At Your Party Sucked

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Charlie Gasparino recently participated in one of New York's dining features wherein notable people discuss what they ate over the course of the week. Those of you in the know re: the fuel that makes this Jabroni Pony will run not be surprised to hear that he consumed many a vodka martini, doused his meat in ketchup and affirmed his commitment to "staying regular" by downing a bunch of bran muffins. Unlike his last food diary, in which Gaspo confessed to finding no greater joy in the world that tearing into a plate of braciola while on the can, the Fox Business anchor kept it mostly clean, while sharing a few tips. Such as how to make gravy from scratch ("good Italian canned tomatoes, two cans of the whole tomatoes and one of crushed. I let it cook for about an hour and fifteen minutes, maybe an hour and a half"), indulging while keeping yourself in centerfold form ("I only eat desserts on the weekends") and drinking like a man ("no respectable Russian will drink Grey Goose, they all drink Ketel One, because you want to taste the vodka. Now I can't go back to Grey Goose, which is really super smooth, you can't taste the vodka. If you're gonna drink it, you gotta make it real").

It's at the end of the story that Charlie sends a message to a certain Blackstone CEO. And that message is simply this: you're going to have to do a lot better than the Waldorf if you want to ply this gourmand with free food in exchange for favorable coverage. Thanks for the free booze but your spread tasted like shit, and Chaz had to stop off somewhere on the way home to fill up.

Wednesday, April 7
I did go out that night — I went to the Blackstone dinner. They put on a dinner for journalists at the Waldorf. I hate the food at the Waldorf; I never like eating there, so I just had a fruit salad. Afterward, a friend of mine owns Arturo's, and I went there. I had the chicken-parm platter, with a side of broccoli rabe.

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Cigars 'n' Such: The Secrets To Charlie Gasparino's Success

Some people are such founts of generosity that on their birthday, they think not of themselves and what they will receive, but rather of how they can brighten the days of others. Charles Gasparino is one such selfless, gallant human being. On this special day, January 28th, the 50th anniversary of his entrance into the world, Mr. Gasparino has chosen to present us with a priceless gift: the secrets of his success. Print them out, mark them up, use them to advance your own cause, or simply give thanks to the god of journalism for his magnanimous spirit.