Jamie Dimon Not The Only CEO Whose Commencement Address Is Being Protested

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Let it be known: you do not have to be a strapping, beautiful, devastatingly charming bank executive and no friend of the city of Atlanta to have university students get their panties in a bunch over your speaking engagements at their school. Members of Columbia's School of International and Public Affairs are "up in arms" over Vikram Pandit's selection as their commencement speaker this year.

They apparently don't give a rat's ass that Citi had a profitable first quarter and they're seething at the perceived notion that Vik doesn't jibe with the "the spirit of what public affairs is supposed to be," like a their top picks-- Stephen Colbert and Hil and Bubba Clinton. They also say this isn't about the financial crisis, they've just never liked Wall Street period, 'cause of the bonuses ("[Pandit] represents an industry that, even when it was stable and not in crisis, paid itself outrageous salaries," fumed Daniel Safran-Hon, 29). And while they may not have said it, there's likely a sizable group of students not too keen on hearing Pandito, who has four degrees from Columbia and is a trustee, use his favorite word ("global") and variants thereof ("globality," "globalness," "globes in your face," "globes deep") 983 times over the course of his speech. Unlike the organizers at Syracuse, protesting Jamie Dimon's speaking engagement, no dance party or Facebook protests have been scheduled. Yet.

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Bloomberg: Not One Bank CEO Can Fill Jamie Dimon's Shoes, Especially Not That Guy From Australia Who Doesn't Own An Iron

Earlier today, Bloomberg ran a lengthy piece about the latest crisis on Wall Street: a lack of Jamie Dimon. Specifically, a lack of Jamie Dimon telling meddlesome regulators, anti-industry populists, know-nothing Congressmen, and hypocrite bastard newspapers where they can go and what they can suck. True, it's not as though he's gone anywhere, and he's still reminding people "it's a free fucking country" but "juggling multiple investigations and a $5.8 billion trading loss on wrong-way bets on credit derivatives" has left his hands a little tied and, some believe, cost him his once untouchable "stature" in the industry. And while one should never simply offer problems without solutions, Bloomberg isn't gonna sugarcoat this one: when it comes to "any kind of credible statesmen" to step in for JD, Wall Street is shit out of luck and not just because no one besides Lloyd came close in sales of their respective Bankers At Work And Play pin-up calendars. Among current CEO's, Lloyd Blankfein, Brian Moynihan and Vikram Pandit are deemed too busy "fixing their own firms or repairing their reputations," while Wells Fargo chief John Stumpf, though respected among his peers, is ruled out due to geography (“Part of Jamie’s fitting into that role was his natural brashness as a Wall Streeter and New Yorker, and that is not John"). But hey, what about that James Gorman guy? Runs Morgan Stanley, is based in New York, has been known to put a foot up an ass when necessary? Don't even get Bloomberg started. James Gorman, 54...doesn’t fit the Wall Street titan stereotype. The Australian prefers a rumpled tuxedo he bought as a business school student in 1980 to Armani for black- tie events, and he stocks Vegemite in the executive kitchen. Or maybe perhaps all that makes him perfect for the gig? The way we see it, Jim Gorman doesn't have the time or patience for fancy extras like unwrinkled suits and burgers made from foie gras-fed cows. All he cares about is not taking shit, or prisoners. Someone asks him, "What is this Vegemite stuff," he knocks their two front teeth out. You suggest maybe he could have ironed his shirt before that gala, he takes out that iron and smashes you in the face with it. You want a worthy successor for the job, you've got him. Wall Street Leaderless In Rules Fight As Dimon Diminished [Bloomberg]