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You Wanna Know What Gets Jamie Dimon's Goat?

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If you said Washington you're not wrong but that's not the answer we were looking for. Yes, James is incredibly frustrated with the people in DC. Previously he's tried to hold his tongue but no longer. He's openly expressed concern about the various reform proposals and he recently told the President that the "administration's anti-bank rhetoric 'isn't helpful,' because it demoralizes businesses and employees." But Washington, eh, whatever. It's a source of annoyance but it's not the thing that gets Jamie's blood really boiling. Same goes for Syracuse University. He's pissed at them, but they're low on the list of things that make him go ape shit. What chaps James Dimon's hide no other is when his name appears alongside certain people with whom he has essentially nothing in common.

According to people who know him, he bristles when lawmakers lump J.P. Morgan with the likes of banks that have stumbled. And he hates being compared with Goldman Chairman and CEO Lloyd Blankfein.

Off the top of his head, JD can think of maybe a million reasons why his name has no place alongside LB. Does Lloyd have a beautiful head of thick hair? Does Lloyd meet the height requirement for any of the rides out on Coney Island? Has Lloyd ever had a warrant out for his arrest? DOES LLOYD HAVE HIS OWN UMBRELLA CARRIER? I mean really. They both have blue eyes. Fine. Can Lloyd's see through your soul? No! I could go and will: who can take a cash bonus without worrying what people will "think"? Who could clown-face the president and have him go "We're still cool, right?"? Who can strum "Comfortably Numb"? Who can do all those things and who can't?? These two are nothing alike. One more person comes forward to claim otherwise and someone is just gonna snap.


Meredith Whitney Not Worried About Jamie Dimon's Ability To Handle House Financial Services Committee, Unlike Some Chief Executives She Knows

As you may have heard, later today Jamie Dimon will once again testify on Capitol re: a certain whale's multi-billion dollar losses. Unlike last week's hearing, conducted by the relatively reasonable Senate Banking Committee, this time Dimon will face questions and screeching from the relatively bat-shit House Financial Services Committee, a group of people we hope will not hold back. Yet despite the HFSC's history of making witnesses look good, not matter how egregious their offense, by conducting inquiries in a manner that would suggest recreational bath salts abuse by the Congressmen and women, Bloomberg's Tom Keene expressed worry earlier this morning about Dimon's ability to navigate the hearing.  Would today be "tougher" for the JPM chief, Keene asked Bloomberg TV Surveillance guest Meredith Whitney? According to the analyst, Dimon be more than fine and while we're on the subject, not that you asked, she can think of another bank CEO who'd crack under Congressional questioning on account of the fact that he doesn't have eyes you could get lost in. So, 1. How dare you, lady? Lloyd's impish smile and comedic timing don't do it for you? And 2. We thought these kind of blows were reserved for Vikram. Banking Industry Must Reinvent Itself, Says Whitney [Bloomberg TV] Related: Meredith Whitney Cannot Stress Enough How Little She Thinks Of Citigroup