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Banks Advising Employees To Avoid Flashy Hamptons Homes This Year, Vague About Whether Or Not Pulling A Kimball Is Okay

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So! A bunch of unnamed banks are supposedly telling their employees to ixnay on the assivemay amptonshay entalsray this summer. Let's just say it's Goldman Sachs that is doing the telling because a) they've been known to tell their people not go out during the day for fear of attracting scrutiny for existing and b) if The People are going to get their knickers in a twist over anyone's big ass vacation houses it's going to be those of Goldman Sachs.

Instead of said big ass vacation houses, those looking for places to get away for the weekend should instead consider shacks or outhouses less likely to provoke any ire. "That's the message that's being conveyed," a human resources staffer at a Wall Street investment bank told the Post. "We have enough eyeballs on us already, [so] don't do anything really extravagant right now that will attract any more." Sort of bull shit that they should get to tell you what's what but I think it's going to be okay here! The bright side is that no one said anything about it not being okay to take a page from Goldman Sachs MD Richard Kimball's playabook. For those that need a refresher for what that would entail, the read between the lines message is that you should feel free, nay encouraged to throw "topless pool parties" with a high ratio of girls to guys likely to enrage the neighbors. The password is "it's a very small neighborhood." You heard it here first.


Who Wants To Help This Goal-Oriented List-Maker Cross A Few Items Off His Or Her To Do List?

"Go out w/ Wall Street guys" is an obvious one but there are a few others of which you could perhaps be of service.

10 Year-Old Summering In The Hamptons With Full-Time Nanny, Filet Mignon Dinners, Private Jet Rides Doesn't Think Doubling His Allowance Is Too Much To Ask

Attention mom and dad of this anonymous pre-teen: apparently it's time to loosen the purse strings, ya cheap pricks.