For The Love Of God, Somebody Buy Ken Lewis's House(s)

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Back in February, we put a once in a lifetime offer on the table. Buy Ken Lewis's house. For a mere $4.5 million, you were going to get a Charlotte, NC address, 4 bedrooms, five fireplaces, a patio, a porch, a private pond for reflection time, his-and-hers dressing rooms, a chef's kitchen, a wet bar, and Ken Lewis's memories (/night terrors). At the time, we didn't put a gun to anyone's head because we didn't think it was necessary. Who wouldn't want a piece of this, we wondered, figuring KL would be beating off potential buyers with a stick. Well, apparently we misjudged the situation because Kizzle has received exactly zero offers, and has been forced to cut his asking price by more than 20%. He's also slashed the price on his Hilton Head vacation space, for reasons I won't get into here. Suffice it to say, Lewis is looking to get out of town ASAP but is running low on the cash. So what I'm going to do now is get down on my hands and knees and beg. SOMEBODY DO THIS FOR HIM. If the deal needs to be sweetened, I'll throw in an Ang Moz (you can do whatever you want with him).

A few shots of your new pad:


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They said it couldn't be done. They said it didn't matter if it was $4.5 million or $2.5 million or if they were giving it away. They said potentials buyers wouldn't be swayed by the pitch to "sleep where Angelo Mozilo hath slept, after a few too many troughs of Boone's farm" (AKA "The Mozilo Bedroom"), or to impress guests with the cocktail party fodder that "that chair you're sitting in right now the very one Ken Lewis was sitting in when he decided to buy Merrill Lynch, can't get better investing karma than that." They said the vomit stains on the rug would not be a selling point. They were wrong.