Friday night, a bunch of chippies patted themselves on the back for successfully predicting the outcome of the British elections (and winning an undisclosed sum) by spending £60,117.40 on drinks at London nightclub Merah. They started with the most expensive bottle of champagne (a "Methuselah of vintage Cristal at £36,000"), which, not surprisingly, garnered them some fans.
A source at the nightclub said: "They had made a small fortune on the outcome of the election, correctly guessing the results in constituencies over quite a large spread."
"The guys were in their mid-forties and had come straight from work as they still had their suits on. When the Methuselah was delivered to their table, the music was stopped and the group were chanting, 'Down with Brown, down with Brown'." They followed it up with a Jeroboam of Cristal at £5,000 and a Methuselah of Dom Perignon, which was £9,000. "When their champagne arrived the whole club stood still - each bottle was delivered to the table with sparklers sticking out of the top. They were surrounded by about 20 women all night. They were very popular boys by the time they called it a night at 3am. Needless to say, their spending attracted quite a few girls who helped them through all the drinks.
What the source doesn't tell us is if these girls were the ones responsible for the Midori Sours?
And whether or not they were underage? Because contrary to what the cops might tell you, I think that's the only way we're going to be okay here.