Finally! After six grueling months of negotiations with the union representing Securities and Exchange Commission’s employees, the agency plans to issue 294 BlackBerry’s to certain staffers by the end of July. We're not sure whether the new devices will be the old-school Berry’s with the side-scroll wheel or the newfangled 3G models with web browsing, but you can be sure SEC favorites like www.ladyboyx.com will be blocked.
If you had asked us two years or two months or two days ago if we thought that there would be a time in the near future when Securities and Exchange employees would not be getting reprimanded for watching porn on their work-issued computers, we would have said absolutely not. No judgment, but in our professional opinion, people do not go from, among other things: * Receiving "over 16,000 access denials for Internet websites classified by the Commission's Internet filter as either "Sex" or "Pornography" in a one-month period" * Accessing "Internet pornography and downloading pornographic images to his SEC computer during work hours so frequently that, on some days, he spent eight hours accessing Internet pornography...downloading so much pornography to his government computer that he exhausted the available space on the computer hard drive and downloaded pornography to CDs or DVDs that he accumulated in boxes in his office." * www.ladyboyx.com, www.ladyboyjuice.com, www.trannytit.com, and www.anal-sins.com ...to living a porn-free existence at l'office. Did we think they'd take baby steps toward that goal sure? But when you've tried to log on to your websites of choice, on average, 533 times a day, assuming weekends were worked, baby steps means getting yourself to a place where you can do a solid two hours of work each week without hitting up anal-sins.com. So you can imagine (and probably share in) our surprise to hear that, according to a probe by Interim Inspector General Jon Rymer re: "misuses of government resources," the worst offenses one office was charged with claiming they needed iPads to do their jobs when really they just wanted to watch movies on them at home and going to hacker conferences without encrypting the data on their computers. Granted, it doesn't look so great that the group that was running around with computers that didn't even have anti-virus programs on their computers was the one that "is responsible for ensuring exchanges are following a series of voluntary guidelines...concerning computer audits, security, and capacity" but still, no ladyboyjuice while on the job-- that's huge. In a 43-page investigative report that probed the misuse of government resources, SEC Interim Inspector General Jon Rymer discovered that an office within the SEC's Trading and Markets division spent over $1 million on unnecessary technology. The report also found that the staffers failed to protect their computers and devices from hackers, even as they were urging exchanges and clearing agencies to do just that. Although no breaches occurred, the staffers left sensitive stock exchange data exposed to potential cyber attacks because they failed to encrypt the devices or even install basic virus protection programs...On Friday Reuters reviewed a copy of the full report, which details an even broader array of problems, from misleading the SEC about the office's need to buy Apple Inc products, to cases in which staffers took iPads and laptops home and used them primarily for pursuits such as personal banking, surfing the Web and downloading music and movies. The report says the staff may have brought the unprotected laptops to a Black Hat convention where hacking experts discuss the latest trends. They also used them to tap into public wireless networks and brought the devices along with them during exchange inspections...The report also found that some people who worked in the office had little or no experience with exchange technical matters. SEC staffers used govn't computers for personal use - report [Reuters] Earlier: SEC Supervisor Surfed Tranny Porn To Cope With Stress Of The Job; SEC Official Who Surfed Tranny Porn To Deal With Stress Of The Job– Not Alone!;
After ratting on his pals for insider trading, former Goldman analyst David Pajcin decided to hightail it out of town. (Most likely to his native Croatia, although we doubt he’s holed up with his underwear seamstress aunt.) But if authorities can find him, and you know the crack investigators at the SEC will, Pajcin will owe the government $28 million, according to a judgement handed down by U.S. District Judge Kimba Wood late yesterday.
These days, Judge Jed Rakoff’s name creates about as much agita inside the SEC as as Bernie Madoff. If Wall Street’s cops on the beat didn’t have enough to deal with already, now Judge Jed is up their ass about a seemingly meaningless legal settlement in the Galleon insider trading case.
Oops. Those crazy porn-surfers at the Securities and Exchange Commission inadvertently posted a confidential earnings report from Citadel’s brokerage and market making unit on their website. The report, picked up by Bloomberg, shows Citadel Securities posted earnings of $81.6 on revenue of $1.01 billion last year.