Skip to main content

Goldman Even Guiltier Than Previously Assumed, Says FCIC Vice Chairman

  • Author:
  • Updated:

As you may have heard, the Financial Crisis Inquiry Commission is none too pleased with Goldman Sachs. First, the bank didn't turn over requested documents as quickly as Chairman Phil Angelides and his wingman, vice-Chair Bill Thomas asked for them. Then the slippery little devils dumped twenty million pages on the commission's asses. Somewhere in that pile of crap is probably the information the FCIC is looking for but Christ on a crutch it'll be Labor Day before they get through the damn thing! I mean really! Some of us wanted to wrap this up and have that den of sin shut down before the Fourth. You know, so they could enjoy the long weekend without it hanging over their heads. But you know what? No, it's cool. No one's gonna get angry here because Goldman Sachs actually did Angelides and Thomas a favor. Because this little stalling tactic can only mean one thing.

"They stretched us out thinking they played the game cleverly," FCIC Vice Chairman Bill Thomas said. "They may have more to cover up than we thought."

Hell yeah they do! No one was even gonna thumb through all that but now that we know there's even more damning dirt in there than previously imagined? Well William Gareth Jacob Busey Senior, Phil 'n Bill will carve out some time during lunch! Because yes, that is the sound of a monument being erected in B&P's likenesses, with whatever is Latin for "We nailed these fuckers, and not just for the financial ish but the J-walking, and the hair plugs, and the fact that Lucas van Praag's accent is a sham, too" at the bottom. It's all in there. These two are gonna be heroes.

Goldman Sachs Spent Months Dodging Questions, FCIC Says [ABC News]


Goldman Sachs Can Fix This

A week ago today, a man named Greg Smith resigned from Goldman Sachs. As a sort of exit interview, Smith explained his reasons for departing the firm in a New York Times Op-Ed entitled "Why I Am Leaving Goldman Sachs." The equity derivatives VP wrote that Goldman had "veered so far from the place I joined right out of college that I can no longer in good conscience say I identify with what it stands for." Smith went on to note that whereas the Goldman of today is "just about making money," the Goldman he knew as a young pup "revolved around teamwork, integrity, a spirit of humility, and always doing right by our clients." It was a culture that made him "love working for the firm" and its absence had stripped him of "pride and belief" he once held in the place. While claiming that Goldman Sachs has become virtually unrecognizable from the institution founded by Marcus (Goldman) and Samuel (Sachs), which put clients ahead of its own interests, is hardly a new argument, there was something about Smith's words that gave readers a moment's pause. He was so deeply distraught over the differences between the Goldman of 2012 and the Goldman of 2000 (when he was hired) that suggested...more. That he'd seen things. Things that had made an imprint on his soul. Things that he couldn't forget. Things that he held up in his heart for how Goldman should be and things that made it all the more difficult to ignore when it failed to live up to that ideal. Things like this: