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The Defense Of "Too Hot For Citi" Chick We'll Never Get To Hear

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As previously mentioned, Debrahlee "I want to be tits on a stick" Lorenzana has fired her original attorney, Jack Tuckner on the "too hot for Citi" case. This may have been a mistake. As you know, one of the complaints made by Lorenzana is that her bosses told her she needed to wear dumpier clothes in an effort to not draw attention to her sweet ass and surgically enhanced cans. Specifically, Lorenzana says that she was told not to wear pencil skirts or stilettos. And while Tuckner may be the creepiest lawyer of all time, it turns out he has deep knowledge of this sort of footwear (and the other accoutrement that might fill out the ensemble), and how its presence in the corporate world can only enhance business, such as when a stilleto is shoved up one's ass. I'm not sure Lorenzana was aware of this information at the time she sacked Jack, who may have been her best shot at winning this thing.

In June 2008, Manhattan women's-rights lawyer Tuckner was sued by his former office manager, Lisa Brockington, who claimed in court papers that he watched porn at his desk and wore a "slave" collar at work. Her suit called him a "self-described 'testosterone-poisoned' attorney with a penchant for bondage and sadomasochism who demeaned . . . the women who worked for him."

Brockington, whom Tuckner hired after he represented her in a sex discrimination suit, alleged that Tuckner bragged of meeting his girlfriend on an S&M Web site and "disclosed that he is extremely into 'spanking' . . . the screensaver on Tuckner's office computer included a photo of his girlfriend dressed as a dominatrix with Tuckner . . . kneeling at her feet."