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Area Man Wants 2008 Bonuses Returned

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Last Friday, outgoing Compensation Kitty-Cat Kenneth Feinberg made his "huge" announcement re: the bonuses paid out to bank executives for their bang-up jobs during the 2008 calendar year. Although some (mythical) people were supposedly quaking in their boots over what Feinberg was going to do to them, his announcement amounted to saying he'd crunched the numbers and while they weren't so great and maybe should've been smaller in light of what was going on at the time, even he couldn't get it up to care anymore. For the most part, he's not alone. Today, though, we have found one guy, who actually gives a rat's ass.

I'm kidding, he's just doing it to get reelected but still: even the fact that he's feigning making a stink about all this.

Representative Peter Welch, a Democrat of Vermont who is seeking re-election, plans to send a letter on Monday to the heads of those banks requesting the names and pay packages awarded to their top earners at the height of the crisis in late 2008. He also plans to ask them to reimburse the government for those payouts and to halt any future ones until the taxpayer money is returned.


Man Who Got $83 Million Bonus And Wanted Another $83 Million Bonus Just Can't Catch A Break

Lehman Brothers alum Jonathan Hoffman knows what we're talking about.

Area Man Recounts Brush With Greatness

In this case, greatness being Lloyd Blankfein's glistening, stark-naked body. Mr. Smith outlines moments when he came into close contact with Goldman’s chairman and chief executive, according to pages reviewed by The Wall Street Journal. Mr. Smith tells of one near-encounter when he saw Mr. Blankfein, sans clothes, after taking a shower at the gym. Mr. Blankfein was “air-drying,” Mr. Smith writes, something Mr. Smith took not as a display of power but as something men of an older generation tend to do. Another up-close-and-personal moment with the big boss came when Mr. Blankfein and Berkshire Hathaway Inc. Chief Executive Warren Buffett walked through the Goldman trading floor the day after Mr. Buffett’s $5 billion investment as Goldman was reeling in 2008. In the book, Mr. Smith says he had a co-worker snap a photo as he stood near Mr. Buffett. Greg Smith: I Saw Blankfein Naked [Deal Journal]

Bonus Watch '13: UBS

The Swiss bank will reportedly announce today that it's going to be doing things a little differently around here re: compensation. One, deferrals will start at $250,000 and two, rather than being paid in UBS stock, the non-cash portion of 6,500 senior employees' bonuses will come in the form of subordinated debt that can and will be wiped out in the event the amount of capital on hand falls below the level required by EU regulators, putting the onus on everyone to make sure no one pulls an Adoboli and avoids multi-billion dollar fuck-ups in general.