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Emails That Have The Potential To CHANGE OUR LIVES

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As is I'm sure the case for many of you fine people, on a daily basis, a whole lot of garbage ends up in my inbox, most of it unsolicited. Sometimes though, on rare occasions, there is the potential for universe-altering gold. Such as the following:

Hi Bess--

I'd love to send you an advanced copy of Lee Vance's new thriller THE GARDEN OF BETRAYAL. Lee was a general partner at Goldman Sachs for twenty years so when he writes in his new book about the high powered world of hedge fund managers and in the know financial consults, he does so with authority.

Having zero idea what this book is about can I just express to you people how can't-catch-my-breath excited I am for this just based on the title? I mean...let's just take a moment to fantasize:

Scenario 1: The Garden of Betrayal: A re-telling of the story of Adam and Eve with LB playing the snake (YOU'D LIKE THAT, WOULDN'T YOU TATT MAIBBI?)

Scenario 2: The Garden of Betrayal: Hank Paulson and His Birds: The story of a love that dare not speak its name, illegal in 48 states and heretofore only thought to be observed by a group of garden gnomes who swore to take it to the grave. (Film rights already optioned, sneak peek available here).

Scenario 3: Three words: Marc Spilker Comeuppance.

Scenario 4: The Garden of Betrayal: A how-to guide narrated by Lucas van Praag re: manscaping. Chapter 1: How To Think About Tackling A Beast Like Lloyd Blankfein's notoriously overgrown cock-bush.

The possibilities are endless. Dare to dream with me.


Goldman Sachs Changes 70 People's Lives

The following employees successfully made it through the "vigorous cross-ruffing" process and were inducted into the Brotherhood of the Sach this morning.