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Goldman Sachs Forces Employees To Come Up With New And Inventive Ways To Describe Not So Great CDOs Sold To Clients

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As you may have heard, Goldman Sachs has "banned the use of profanity" in emails. Some are heralding the move as the end of Goldman, where describing the various ways in which clients are screwed (I kid the Sachsians) is part of the daily grind. And at another bank, staffed by unimaginitive fucks* whose lack of creativity is bested only by their mediocre grasp of the English language, this would be a paralyzing edict. At Goldman Sachs, it's a mere challenge.

No longer will a trader be able to lazily fire off an note describing something as, for instance, "shitty." Now he'll have to think outside the box. What kind of deal was that? Was it "a deal so unappealing" you "wouldn't bang it with Viniar's yonce"? Was it a deal wouldn't dip your wick in? Perhaps an effluent deal? Or maybe it was RB-esque? See, it's not that hard, and actually kind of fun. Now you try.

*Don't be jealous.


Area Man Recounts Brush With Greatness

In this case, greatness being Lloyd Blankfein's glistening, stark-naked body. Mr. Smith outlines moments when he came into close contact with Goldman’s chairman and chief executive, according to pages reviewed by The Wall Street Journal. Mr. Smith tells of one near-encounter when he saw Mr. Blankfein, sans clothes, after taking a shower at the gym. Mr. Blankfein was “air-drying,” Mr. Smith writes, something Mr. Smith took not as a display of power but as something men of an older generation tend to do. Another up-close-and-personal moment with the big boss came when Mr. Blankfein and Berkshire Hathaway Inc. Chief Executive Warren Buffett walked through the Goldman trading floor the day after Mr. Buffett’s $5 billion investment as Goldman was reeling in 2008. In the book, Mr. Smith says he had a co-worker snap a photo as he stood near Mr. Buffett. Greg Smith: I Saw Blankfein Naked [Deal Journal]