Goldman Sachs Forces Employees To Come Up With New And Inventive Ways To Describe Not So Great CDOs Sold To Clients


As you may have heard, Goldman Sachs has "banned the use of profanity" in emails. Some are heralding the move as the end of Goldman, where describing the various ways in which clients are screwed (I kid the Sachsians) is part of the daily grind. And at another bank, staffed by unimaginitive fucks* whose lack of creativity is bested only by their mediocre grasp of the English language, this would be a paralyzing edict. At Goldman Sachs, it's a mere challenge.

No longer will a trader be able to lazily fire off an note describing something as, for instance, "shitty." Now he'll have to think outside the box. What kind of deal was that? Was it "a deal so unappealing" you "wouldn't bang it with Viniar's yonce"? Was it a deal wouldn't dip your wick in? Perhaps an effluent deal? Or maybe it was RB-esque? See, it's not that hard, and actually kind of fun. Now you try.

*Don't be jealous.