Jeffrey Epstein Is A Free Man

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The massage enthusiast's year-long house arrest has come to an end today (it was preceded by jail time), The Daily Beast informs us with the no-frills headline "Billionaire Pedophile Goes Free." What will Epstein do with his freedom? Will he head to Dubai, as has been suggested? Will he make the trip out to Beamers, where there's a reasonable assurance the girls are over 14? Will he remain in Palm Beach, having come to appreciate the asses o' octogenarians? I don't know. I'll tell you what I do know, though. There's only one way to commemorate this occasion. And I think you know what I'm talking about.

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