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Russian Spy Anna Chapman's Ex-Husband Wants To Tell You About All The Times He And The Old Ball And Chain Did It (And How)

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To the naked eye, it might seem like we already know so much about Anna Chapman, the only Russian spy arrested last week anyone cares about. Her employment history includes Barclays, Navigator Capital, and NetJets. She is "full of self-control." She is "extremely professional and resourceful." "Ambitious." "Forward-thinking." She may have made a mark out of Dr. Doom, the Oracle of O and the man, the myth, the legend, the grand high poobah of it all, Cookie Monster himself.

But, of course, there's one thing we've yet to get any intel on, which is, how does this broad fuck? I mean, really. She may have bedded three of Wall Street's most notorious bachelors and we've heard nothing? Nary a peep? It's not right. Luckily, over the weekend, an ex-husband surfaced, more than willing to offer some color on the matter.

Take it away, Alex Chapman. "Anya was great in bed and she knew exactly what to do. She was awesome. For the first few months we met for sex about five days a week. We loved it."

Alright, interesting. And then what happened? "She also liked posing for pictures."

Really, pictures? That sounds like fun. I bet you don't carry them around in your wallet or anything, though.

"I took one of her topless first thing in the morning," he said, producing the evidence.

Wow, called my bluff. Okay, tell us more. Really take us there. What would say right before you snapped the pic? 'Say cheese?' Or something else? "I said to Anya 'go on get them out!' and I took the picture of her with only a bit of the duvet over her. She laughed about it.

Okay, enough beating around the bush. Was there any accoutrement involved? "We experimented with sex toys," Alex Chapman said, producing a picture of Anna wielding a whip and another toy and wearing nipple clamps.

Wow, okay good stuff. Now tell us, did you ever have sex in public? Like say, on a plane?

During the first few months of their whirlwind romance, smitten Alex saw Anna in both London and Moscow. Alex told how he joined the Mile High Club with her during a BA flight back to Moscow in January 2002. He says: "When we were on the plane we came up with a plan to join the mile high club." I went to the toilet first and told her to follow later and knock.

Didn't think you were going to go into such detail, a simple 'yes' would've sufficed but now that you've got our attention, please, continue. Don't skip any parts.

"Anya was wearing a denim dress so I hitched it up and we just went for it. It was fantastic because of the thrill of doing it on a plane. We were in the toilet for about 15 minutes and then one of the cabin crew knocked on the door. I said Anya had been sick and I was helping her."

You two sounds like quite the duo what with the thinking on your toes re: excuses and the nipple clamps. When did it start going downhill? Surely over something involving a spreader and truss bar and no so mundane and cliche as a fight over a joint checking account?

"We'd been married for two years when I suggested maybe having a joint bank account. She just sternly replied 'no' and we had a blazing row about it. She just said, You keep your money and I will keep my money'."

Mile-high sex games with my spy in the sky, Anna Chapman [NotW]