So, Bill Gates and Warren Buffett has this thing called the "Giving Pledge," wherein the super rich promise to donate at least half their money to charities. The latest version of the list was recently released and it includes names like Jim Simons, John Arnold, Pete Peterson, Sandy Weill. Please take a moment to offer a golf clap for those guys.
Way more importantly, however, are the people who haven't signed up for the cause, whose names the Journal has helpfully rounded up. Some of them, which the paper demonstrated enormous restraint in not calling cheapskates, can legitimately be publicly shamed for their lack of generosity. But the inclusion of a few others is pretty unfair.
Paul Tudor Jones, for instance, has this little thing called the Robin Hood Foundation. Perhaps you've heard of it? So they're probably getting a good amount of his cash. David Tepper has agreed to donated his balls to science upon his death, a contribution to society you cannot put a price on. In addition to the many worthy organizations he gives money to, every single week for the past ten years, Steve Cohen has invited the neighborhood kids over to play him in a hockey game, them wearing Soviet-era gear, him riding a Z made from re-purposed monster truck parts that shoot out pucks at random, with a glassed-in Pope-mobile-like top in place of a mask. Winner gets 20 bucks. And for Christ's sake, let us not forget that George Soros has been tirelessly working to legalize marijuana, a gift far greater than any monetary bequeathment. So put that in your (grav-)bong and smoke it.