Skip to main content

Bonus Watch '10: Let Elin Woods Bump Your Package Up A Few Notches

  • Author:
  • Updated:

As you know, it's never too early to start thinking about bonus season. Those of you who took our bonus negotiation tips to heart and have been practicing them faithfully in the men's room bathroom with your wing-man have nothing to worry about. Others should be soiling yourselves in fear. But take heart. Even if it didn't penetrate when I said to open with a line such as “Listen up you motherfuckers, let me just cut right to the chase. This not my first rodeo. I have signed a hundred other bonus agreements that have been way bigger than this shit, okay? So nobody is going to be fucking bamboozling anyone with this lingo-jingo-fucking mingo” and even if you do work for a shop taking it up the tailpipe this year, you can still do pretty okay with yourself, thanks to a certain philandering sports star with a taste for skanks and an aversion to turkey.

Naturally I'm talking about hooking yourself up with Elin Woods. Her divorce from Tiger was just made final this afternoon and she's on the Sugar Momma circuit flush with cash ("varying reports have suggested that Elin, 30, could receive anywhere from $100 million in assets to as much as five times that figure").