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Housekeeping: Joe Kernen Is On Vacation And Someone Needs To Brush Up On His/Her KingPin Quotes

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From time to time, as it's right next to the box I need to click to open a new post, I like to check out what terms non-regular readers have searched to end up on this here site. Ping Jiang is a frequent one, as is a rotating cast of CNBC anchorettes, in addition to some that are less expected but certainly welcome, like "dogs playing poker" and "Vladimir Siforov." Here are today's:

#1. daniel s. loeb letter

#2. steve cohen GOP

#3. beard stroking

#4. brian hunter

#5. where is joe kernen

#6. carrianne howard

#7. topless shots

#8. Ping Jiang

#9. never mow another man's lawn

As I'm always working for you but mostly because I demand accuracy in movie quoting, I figured I'd do everyone who is apparently lost a solid and answer the questions implied by the search terms above. So:

1) If you are looking for Dan Loeb's latest quarterly letter, it is here. 2) Steve Cohen has indeed already rented a bunch of elephant costumes for his P&L analysts to wear for the midterm elections and to ensure the money doesn't go to waste, he strategizes with GOP operatives every Tuesday night, though that'll be moved to Wednesdays once The Bad Girls Club on Oxygen returns this fall. 3) I don't know what you were looking for re "beard stroking" but I like it nevertheless. 4) I suspect this was Brian Hunter Googling himself, not that there's anything wrong with that. Everybody say "Hi, Brian." 5) Joe Kernan is on vacation. He's back after Labor Day. 6) Carrianne Howard is the stripper aligning with hedge fund managers shorting for-profit schools. 7) I don't think we've ever posted an actual topless shot** but feel free to peruse the "topless shots" category. I hope you find what you're looking for. 8) Don't know what you wanted to find about Mr. Jiang but his fund was up 49.5% through July YTD. Suck it, bitches. No, really. 9) The line is "Take that, you freaky piece of shit. You don't mow another guy's lawn." Write that down.

**Photos that have strategically black bars don't count.