"Young, Ambitious, Female MBA Student" Is Deadly Serious About Soliciting Investment Banking Gig Via Casual Encounters

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As I'm sure you don't need to be told, times are pretty tough right now for those seeking new jobs (or a job, period) on Wall Street. Some have taken the all out begging, stand on a street corner holding wearing a sandwich board approach. Others are going with the traditional route (networking, sending out resumes, hitting up any who's ever given them a business card). Neither are yielding much in the way of results. And while it might seem counterintuitive, for a person with zero prospects to initiate talks with a potential employer by straight up demanding a job and refusing to even interview for it, maybe it's something you ought to consider, in addition to taking various other pages from this chick's playabook.

Such as:

* Hitting people up when they least expect it, like when they're trolling the internet for ass. For example, don't stick your resume in some job forum but rather the Casual Encounters section of Craiglist.

* Letting people know from the get go you're completely serious about this and that you're not interested in being jerked around. You are a slut to be fucked (in exchange for a job), not to be fucked with.

* Making demands and arbitrary rules that you're in no position to be making, such as ""we will not proceed to anything until you find me a job." Kind of be an asshole. People will be confused, not know what to make of it and wonder if you know something they don't.

I'm telling you, it will work. Having said that, you must be able to back it all up with impressive credentials and/or an ass you could freeze ice on. Otherwise you're going to make some people very upset, such as this guy:

Basically, she's looking for a job, which is hilarious, because no one in their right mind would hire her. I made a fake email address, and she sent me her full resume, with ALL contact into, in her first reply... From there easily facebook-able, NOT cute.... And the resume is not impressive at all. Pretty standard, unimpressive GPA at a 3rd or 4th tier MBA, MS in Finance from an OK school, a summer at a decent research shop, otherwise nothing special to speak of. WHY she thinks she deserves a BB job is a mystery to me.

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Hardcore Harvard Investment Group Soliciting Student Partners Who Aren't Afraid To Take Some Risks With Their Parents' Money

You're a Harvard undergrad and you want to beef up your resume so that in a couple years, top hedge funds will be begging you to take meetings with them. You figure joining some sort of on-campus investor group might do the trick, but there are so many to choose from it's difficult to figure out which one is going to be your ticket to the big leagues. Except it's not actually that difficult at all. In fact, the answer is quite simple. There are student investment clubs and there is Black Diamond Capital Investors. The former, piddling little after-school programs for, when it comes down to it, amateurs. The latter, an opportunity to put your balls on the table and make some real money. If that sounds like something you'd be interested, please have a check or money order for at least $1,000 ready,* which is the minimum investment members/partners must make, so that management can ensure everyone's got skin in the game. “Black Diamond is all about taking investments to the next level,” said Patrick M. Colangelo ’14, who founded the club last semester. He said that the mandatory minimum investment exists to ensure member engagement in the group, which is limited to 25 participants. "We select experienced finance students who are willing to put up the minimum capital contribution because we seek partners who will be vested in the operations and performance of the fund," Colangelo said. "It really gets the most out of our partners.” Member Arash Alidoust ’13 said he believes the buy-in is critical to the success of Black Diamond, which claims to be Harvard’s largest private growth fund. “It makes you much more concerned and much more innovative,” Alidoust said. “Black Diamond becomes part of your life.” And while the initial outlay be difficult for some college kids to swing, rest assured you're going to make it back many times over. Members said that Black Diamond’s investment strategy differs significantly from that of other financial groups on campus. Like the hedge funds it emulates, Black Diamond is a riskier investment than some of its peer groups, a risk which members hope will be rewarded. Colangelo said that the organization is aiming for a 30 percent return on its investment...“What Black Diamond has been created for is for investors who have a little bit of experience, joining a group of other experienced individuals who really want to do something different,” Colangelo said. Alidoust said that the strength and diversity of Black Diamond’s team of investors allows the club to break out of the typical “framework” of investing. “We encourage innovation and new ideas about investing, rather than just sticking with the old ideas,” he said. Exclusive Investment Club Asks Student Members for $1,000 [Crimson] *Though feel free to invest up to $20,000.