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Financial Services Employee Who Didn't Know There Were Rules Against Putting Your DNA In A Co-Worker's Water Bottle Pleads Not Guilty

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Remember Michael Kevin Lallana? Name not ringing a bell? Okay try this: remember the Northwestern Mutual Investment Services employee who in January allegedly somehow got his jizz in a bottle, left it on a colleague's desk where she drank it, got sick, and threw it out? And then a couple months later, allegedly released more "material" in the same lady's drink, which she again drank, but this time paused to ask herself, “Am I crazy, or does this water have semen in it,” before sending it off to a lab to verify her suspicions? He's pleaded not guilty to six misdemeanors.

Naturally, there is a video, wherein the victim's lawyer Gloria Allred notes, "My client doesn't want to reveal her name at this time or make a statement. However I will say that she is the hero in this case. She suspected that something was very wrong, with the water in her water bottle and she had the good judgment to take it to a laboratory to be tested. Had it not been for her actions in this case, the suspect might have never been apprehended...While the victim is horrified and disgusted, she is, nevertheless, willing to cooperate."


Guy Who Ripped Off, Lied To Kim Kardashian's 72 Day Husband Pleads Guilty

Remember Andrey Hicks? To recap, he's the guy who was arrested last year (trying to make a run for Switzerland) and had his assets frozen by the Securities and Exchange Commission, which took issue with the fact that, in addition to stealing a couple million from investors in his Locust Offshore Management fund, he'd fed them a "brazen web of lies" that included: the claim he received a Ph.D in Applied Mathematics from Harvard in two years (he neither earned his doctorate from Harvard nor his undergraduate degree and in fact only lasted three semesters in Cambridge, taking a single math course, in which he got a D-); the claim that while working at Barclays Capital, he increased his group's assets under management to $16 billion, despite BarCap having no record of his employment; the claim that at Locust, he applied "quantitative strategies based on mathematical models he developed at Harvard"; the claim that Ernst & Young was the fund's auditor, Credit Suisse its prime broker and custodian, even though the SEC report was the first either had heard of the guy. Anyway, he's probably going to spend some time in jail.