Former JPMorgan Analyst Valentina Savelyeva Wants To Whip Your Piss-Poor Spreadsheets Into Shape

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Training the Street will teach anyone willing to fork over the $6,000 tuition for a five-day “core skills” workshop. But most of the firm's classes in financial accounting, corporate valuation, and merger/buyout analysis are packed with new hires from firms like Goldman Sachs, Morgan Stanley, Citigroup, and Deutsche Bank. Every year, more than 20,000 young financiers participate in a program Training the Street founder Scott Rostan calls “banker boot camp.” Savelyeva's first assignment: Take a sloppy, ill-formatted spreadsheet and clean it up as quickly as possible. As the class raced to align numbers and reformat cells, she mentioned that the record belonged to an analyst at the investment firm Moelis & Co., who finished in 35 seconds last year. I was still trying to change font sizes when Savelyeva called a halt to the contest after seven minutes. “Remember, guys: Instead of typing out the sum function, you can just hit alt-equals and press enter,” said Savelyeva, leading the group through a five-year projection of amortization expenses for the handbag manufacturer Coach, Inc. “We’re saving time here! This should bring some joy to your hearts!” [Daily Intel]

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Analysts Attempt To Call The JPMorgan (Second Quarter) Close

Despite Jamie Dimon's promise that JPMorgan will be "solidly profitable" for the quarter, some are skeptical given the growing estimates of Whale-boy's losses. According Mike Mayo, the bank "will only make $727 million...including $4 billion of losses in the unit that made the bungled bet [though] if the losses exceed $5 billion, JPMorgan could make an overall loss." Barclays' Jason Goldberg thinks things are gonna be okay here, and sees the bank making $3.3 billion, assuming you know who will have only lost it $3 billion when all is said and done. And yourselves? Start considering your predictions now, as come July 13, there will be a visit from the Sandwich Fairy and a coveted bath toy for whoever comes closest without going over. Will The Whale Swallow JPMorgan's Second-Quarter Earnings [Dealbook]