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Latest Iteration Of Tom Hudson's Untamed Pirate Fetish Off To A Nice Start

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As you're aware, late last year, Tom Hudson made the seemingly wise decision to distance himself from the Pirate Capital name and all that it stands for (including but not limited to ass-bleeding, cockminnow fights on the floor, the (spawn of) Michael Bolton, the fall-out associated from nailing the spawn of Michael Bolton, the AUM shrinkage, and the Sugar Daddy dot com). He did so by instructing the intern manning the phone at the 800 Connecticut Avenue office in Norwalk not to answer "Pirate Capital" but "Captain Jack" and, more symbolically, by putting the actual pirate that had stood in the lobby for years into storage. But he couldn't let go of the men in eye patches just yet. Turn his back on a ridiculous, all-consuming, uncanny, really rather impressive and heretofore unmatched fetish for aquatic plunderers? I think not. So he decided to re-brand with the name Doubloon Capital, which the naive among you will assume is a reference to a poker chip when in reality it's part of Tom-bone's sick addiction he just can't quit. And he didn't stop there!

If you can believe it, the flagship fund was named Pieces of Eight, which of course refers to a) the nickname of the Spanish dollar, "long tied to the lore of piracy" and b) the Pieces of Eight Cruise Ship, "fun for the whole family" if you're in the Ft. Meyers, Florida area.

According to AR, PofE is up 15.64% through August.

As of the end of August, Pieces of Eight was comprised of roughly 22% common equity, 40% preferred equity, and 38% corporate debt, according to investor materials. According to Doubloon’s August newsletter, examples of positions include real estate investment trust First Industrial (“very attractive yields for today’s high yield market” at more than 9%); deep-ocean-shipwreck company Odyssey Marine Exploration (various shipwreck projects “could finally bring some very positive news for the stock”); and healthcare facility developer and manager Cogdell Spencer (“The healthcare real-estate sector should remain strong and benefit from the passage of healthcare legislation in 2009”). Doubloon declined to comment.


John Paulson's Merger Fund Had A Nice Little Quarter

April has also worked out well for JP.

Area Big Time Banker Can't Get Laid In A Whorehouse, Wants People To Know About It

What would posses a person to do an as-told-to article about the fact that after "failing miserably" at trying to pick up women in bars while working late for a "big name investment bank in New York," he turned to a "sugar daddy dating site" to bang hookers on his nights away from the wife and kids only to fall for one who ultimately broke his heart, because she was a prostitute and didn't actually care about him? The answer, quite, obviously, is love. Love, and a hope that a certain someone will see your story and upon reading that you're completely and totally over her and beating off call girls with a stick, COME RUNNING BACK. I met a girl who said she was a senior at Columbia University. She was so hot. Long brown hair, light eyes, perfect little body. We started an affair and I would give her a $4,000 "allowance" each month to meet once a week for dinner, or just to sleep together if I had a deal or a really late night in the office. Sometimes it was an hour of "small talk and sex," which, really, isn't a bad deal for her. $1,000 for an hour to spend time with me. I felt like a stud, there's no denying that, and I knew that she didn't want anything from me but money. She would come and go away when I made the signal I was tired. Soon though, I started liking her more than I wanted to. She was smart and kind of had a sarcastic sense of humor I found funny. I asked to see her more and she asked for more money. I said I couldn't do any more than that, and she said she couldn't give more time. It was the first time I felt a little hurt, like: "This person just wants my money and probably thinks I'm some gross horny old dude." The next month, I gave her the envelope of $4,000 upfront instead of $1,000 each time. We had sex, chatted, drank some wine and she left. I never saw her again. She wouldn't pick up her phone, then her phone was disconnected, my emails to her went unanswered, and her profile on the site was gone. It was such a blow. Though, really, what the hell did I expect? I guess some warning. Yes, some warning would have been nice but whatever. It's not like you're still upset about it. It's not like there isn't a moment of the day when she's not on your mind. It's not like you lie in bed at night thinking about her holding you. No, no sweat off your sack, which you use to bang hookers six at a time now that whatshername is out of the picture. Working girls line the street to get paid to have sex with you! You don't even have time to respond to all their propositions! The Jiltee has become the jilter! You can't even remember [theloveofyourlife]'s name you're so busy plowing prosties. After that, I decided I was going to go for quantity and not quality. I want hot girls, but a lot of them and substance isn't a huge deal. I have been with dozens of girls, and I give them money each time I meet them. The funny thing is often these girls are chasing me to sleep with them again, because it's easy money, but I just scroll through and delete or ignore the messages most of the time. Men want to be with a lot of women; it is just the truth...Maybe that first girl was a wake-up call. I'm already married. I don't need a steady mistress. But I have one or two I always go back to if I can't find someone I like, which happens a lot....I'm not hurting anyone by doing this. I'm always safe and upfront if I meet someone and know it won't happen. I just pay for the drink and let them know and leave, like "No deal, sorry." It is just like any deal. You have to know how to close it and have to know when you're not interested in putting in the effort to see it through. Why This Married Wall Street Banker Pays For Sex [Buzzfeed]