Meredith Whitney: You Better Hope For A Shitty Bonus

Author:
Publish date:

"When was the last time I wore my executioner's mask on CNBC," Meredith Whitney asked several of her employees this morning, sitting around a conference table at the MW Advisory Group's offices in midtown. "It's been a really long time," "Oh gosh I don't know," "I can't even remember," her minions all chimed in at the same time. "What about my ball gag? Surely it hasn't been so long since I brought that on, no?" she asked, even though she already knew the answer. "My spreader? The testicles clamps? THE TRUSS BAR?" she shouted, running through her list of go-to accoutrements. The minions shook their heads, not wanting to make eye contact, or tell the boss she'd gone soft.

"Ms. Whitney," a voice on the intercom interrupted. "I hate to be the bearer of bad news but I see where you're going with this and I just got an email from a producer at CNBC saying not to bring any gear, on the off chance you were planning something.

"Well, shit," the Dollar Dom said dejectedly. "How are people supposed to know to fear me!?" Then, after composing herself: "Fine. That's fine," to no one in particular but more as a pep talk to herself. "I can bring the pain without it."

BARTIROMO: YEAH. WHEN DO YOU EXPECT SOME OF THESE LAYOFFS TO HAPPEN? IN YOUR REPORT, THE LAST REPORT YOU SAID UP TO 40,000?

WHITNEY: 80,000.

BARTIROMO: 80,000 CUTS IN THE FINANCIAL SERVICES INDUSTRY?

WHITNEY: AND I MEANT IN THE U.S., BY THE WAY.

BARTIROMO: JUST THE U.S. WHEN DO YOU THINK THIS STARTS TO HAPPEN?

WHITNEY: I THINK THAT THE BONUSES ARE GOING TO BE REALLY, REALLY BAD AT YEAR END. AND SO THEY'LL HELP -- THEY'LL HOPE FOR SOME ATTRITION ON THAT BASES. PEOPLE JUST LEAVING SAYING THIS IS NOT WORTH IT. AFTER THAT, THEY'LL HAVE -- I THINK YOU'LL SEE LAYOFFS CERTAINLY IN THE FIRST QUARTER.

Related