Mike Mayo Brings The Thunder

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As we type, Mike Mayo and Vikram Pandit are having their long-awaited meeting. Prior to the sit-down, Mike Mayo released his "briefing book," detailing the shit he planned to nail Citi to the wall for. Given his anger over not being invited over to the bank for the last two years, and the ensuing acting out by telling people that Citi is "not to be trusted" and that not even Jamie Dimon could save that shit-hole, one would presume Mayo's list of reasons for why the bank will soon be consigned to the scrap heap of corporate history would be unimaginably damning. Here's what he came up with.

“The main question at our meeting this Friday with Citigroup management is the extent that the company is new versus times past,” writes Mayo, “At least with regard to financial targets, accounting, and corporate governance.”

Specifically, Mayo brings up the reduction in Citi’s capital expenditures from a range of $3 billion to $4 billion in 2004 to 2007 to $2 billion in 2008 and $1 billion in 2009. “Citi is not spending to improve its infrastructure as much as in the past,” concludes Mayo.

“Citi’s physical plant,” including computers, real estate, automated teller machines, etc., “may be outmoded compared to its competitors.”

The issue, he writes, is wheather Citi is investing enough in the business and whether, perhaps, it should take a hit to earnings to bring that investment up to a sufficient level.

So, that's right buckos. You get some new computers up in that bitch or you will suffer yet more of the Mayo Jar's wrath.

Citi: Not Spending Enough on Paper Clips, Etc., Says CLSA [Barron's]

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Mike Mayo Is Done Waiting For Everyone Around Him To Do Their Jobs

Because he's had some previous success putting bankers on deadlines for complying with his demands and because he has had it up to here with financial regulators and the companies they supervise, both of which have been dragging their heels since Dodd-Frank was passed, CLSA analyst Mike Mayo appeared on CNBC today to issue a message: The time for thumb twiddling is over. Move your asses, NOW, or he'll move them for you. Regulators need to write new financial services rules and banks need to get back to banking, CLSA analyst Mike Mayo told CNBC’s Squawk on the Street. “It’s been two years since Dodd-Frank was passed,” Mayo said. “If you’re the regulators, get these laws written, if you’re the banks, at some point you have to play the ball where it lies. You need to get back to the business of banking.” Mayo said there should be “no more excuses.” Everyone understand or does he need to enunciate? Yes? Okay: play the ball where it lies, you useless cocksuckers! If it's in the water, roll your fucking khakis up and do something useful for once in your pathetic fucking lives. ‘No More Excuses’ from Banks or Regulators: Analyst [CNBC] Related: Mike Mayo Suggests Citi Chair Dick Parsons Be Gone In A Fortnight, Or Else