UBS Unveils Latest Revenue, Productivity Generating Scheme

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UBS lost a lot of money over the last few years. Some might call it as metric-ass tons of money, others will say shit-tons. Whatever, the point is, it was a lot. A whole lot. The Swiss bank has recently begun a PR offensive that involves the message "it will not rest" until it regains its rightful place as the most majestic bank in all the land but do they have an actual plan re: how they're gonna make the back? It appears they do.

That's right fuck-sticks, you wanna make/save tens if not hundreds of dollars a year? It starts by a) cutting down on all the fatties using the $25 allotment of colleagues not ordering and b) cracking down on the wasted 30 minutes of chit-chatting associated with ordering/eating together. Shut up and get to work.

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