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Goldman Sachs Analyst Bets Colleagues He Can Complete Ironman Race With No Training

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For the ignoramuses among us, an Ironman is a triathlon that consists of a 2.4 mile swim, a 112 mile bike and a 26.2 mile run. Many who enter such races are forced to drop out and those who do end up finishing typically train for the event 6 to 9 months ahead of time, and have competed in triathlons of other distances for years prior. On a lark, Goldman analyst Brian Kuritzky, who had never participated in such an event, to say nothing of the fact that he had no experience in biking or swimming, decided three weeks ago that he would enter the Great Floridian triathlon in Clermont, Florida, and bet his co-workers he could finish in under 16 hours, sans training.

Kurtizky finished in 15.5 hours and as a result, over 100 of his colleagues forked over $1 each for every minute under the 16 hours, with all of the money going to charity that benefits breast cancer research, which is great. But let's get back to how the hell this kid did it.

With his demanding job as a securities analyst at Goldman Sachs, he had only a few hours a week to dedicate to soccer practices, with extended games on the weekends. Aside from some research on nutrition and a few laps in a local swimming pool, Kuritzky had done zero training for the event.

Some research on nutrition and a few laps in the pool, okay. Plus, the golden scrots which apparently we can now deduce are motorized and a lucky Speedo, loaned from a friend.

Running An Ultra-Distance Triathlon For Charity [WSJ]
First-Time Triathlete Bets On Himself [CNN Money]


Goldman Sachs Can Fix This

A week ago today, a man named Greg Smith resigned from Goldman Sachs. As a sort of exit interview, Smith explained his reasons for departing the firm in a New York Times Op-Ed entitled "Why I Am Leaving Goldman Sachs." The equity derivatives VP wrote that Goldman had "veered so far from the place I joined right out of college that I can no longer in good conscience say I identify with what it stands for." Smith went on to note that whereas the Goldman of today is "just about making money," the Goldman he knew as a young pup "revolved around teamwork, integrity, a spirit of humility, and always doing right by our clients." It was a culture that made him "love working for the firm" and its absence had stripped him of "pride and belief" he once held in the place. While claiming that Goldman Sachs has become virtually unrecognizable from the institution founded by Marcus (Goldman) and Samuel (Sachs), which put clients ahead of its own interests, is hardly a new argument, there was something about Smith's words that gave readers a moment's pause. He was so deeply distraught over the differences between the Goldman of 2012 and the Goldman of 2000 (when he was hired) that suggested...more. That he'd seen things. Things that had made an imprint on his soul. Things that he couldn't forget. Things that he held up in his heart for how Goldman should be and things that made it all the more difficult to ignore when it failed to live up to that ideal. Things like this:

Bonus Watch '16: Goldman Sachs Analysts Are Not Pleased

Apparently bonus numbers anywhere in the ballpark of Citi's are enough to make a junior banker wonder about options elsewhere.