Skip to main content

David Rosenberg: Your Loved Ones Might Buy You Gifts This Year But They Can't Be Bothered To Put Any Effort Into The Presentation

  • Author:
  • Updated:
    Original:

This year, you might be getting an i-Pad but it'll be handed to you in a plastic bag or not wrapped at all. Rosenberg doesn't want people jump to conclusions or freak out but this news could indicate several things and the neurotics among us should feel free to read into it meaning:

a) You significant other (mother, father, brother, sister, work BFF) doesn't know where to buy tape.

b) Your significant other wanted to wrap your gift but freaked out when he/she couldn't find the perfect paper, had a meltdown in the middle of the store and screamed "fuck it! I can't even do this!" and decided to go bare.

c) Your significant other (mom, dad, brother or work BFF) is a cheap bastard.

d) Your significant other knows how much you like prettily wrapped gifts (bows especially) and is doing this to send a message that he/she can no longer stand the sight of you, and it's over.

We’ll tell you this much. One price that is deflating that does not at all portend to the vibrant holiday shopping season, which everyone seems to be expecting, is the price of gift wrapping paper. It declined 1.2% sequentially in October on top of an 0.8% decline in September for a 12% slide at an annual rate. That is a record decline for this crucial time of the year and the price index is all the way down to January 2009 levels when hands were being wringed and knuckles turning white. Maybe this is just a case of not knowing where to buy the scissors, tape and paper (ask Larry David), or maybe it’s an early sign that the season may not be as jolly for those long the retailers as the consensus currently expects.

Related

Bill Ackman And David Einhorn’s Love Blossomed On A Subway Platform But Now They Might Not Even Give Up Their Seat If The Other One Was Pregnant

Henry Winkler once said, "Assumptions are the termites of relationships."1 In 2011, Bill Ackman assumed it was okay to talk to The New York Times about David Einhorn's business and, like a homeowner forced to move out for three days while a pest control company sprays the place, he's been forced to pay for it, big time.

Leon Cooperman's Beef With President Obama Involves An Unsolicited Copy Of His 14 Year-Old Granddaughter's Self-Published Memoirs And Not One Handwritten Thank-You Note In Return

Last November, hedge fund manager Leon Cooperman penned an "Open Letter To The President Of The United States of America," in which he detailed the many ways Barack Obama was pissing him off. The Omega Advisors founder accused the President (and his "minions") of engaging in class warfare, expressed disbelief that he could attack "capitalists who...fill store shelves at Christmas" and still sleep at night, and advised Obama to "eschew the polarizing vernacular of political militancy," lest he lose* Cooperman's vote the next year.  While LC says that he received a major outpouring of support for his words ("[he] keeps a bulging manila folder of congratulatory notes in his office"), others were less than pleased at what they saw as a guy who actually has done pretty okay under Obama lashing out because his feelings were hurt on the occasions the president was perceived to have a "tone" in his voice when discussing the mega-wealthy ("If I knew where you lived, I’d put a bomb in your car," one person wrote Cooperman to say). Similarly, Cooperman's suggestion, on at least two occasions, that America should be worried about the startling parallels between Obama's rise to power and that of Adolf Hitler,** was met with mixed reviews, including one by his wife in which she called him a "schmuck." And while some*** have found it preposterous that Cooperman would paint himself as a victim of Obama, their astonishment speaks to not knowing the whole story, i.e. exactly what this man- no, this monster- did to Leon. Last July, before he had written the letter, Cooperman was invited to the White House for a reception to honor wealthy philanthropists who had signed Bill and Melinda Gates and Warren Buffett’s Giving Pledge, promising to donate at least fifty per cent of their net worth to charity. At the event, Cooperman handed the President two copies of “Inspired: My Life (So Far) in Poems,” a self-published book written by Courtney Cooperman, his fourteen-year-old granddaughter. Cooperman was surprised that the President didn’t send him a thank-you note or that Malia and Sasha Obama, for whom the books were intended as a gift and to whom Courtney wrote a separate letter, didn’t write to Courtney. (After Cooperman grumbled to a few friends, including Cory Booker, the mayor of Newark, Michelle Obama did write. Booker, who was also a recipient of Courtney’s book, promptly wrote her “a very nice note,” Cooperman said.) Now do you understand? Now do you understand? Even Hitler would have sent SOMETHING. Super-Rich Irony [New Yorker] Earlier: Leon Cooperman Doesn't Like The Tone Of President Obama's Voice *Just messing about him ever being in a position to "lose" it, of course. **Settle down, he wasn't saying Obama IS Hitler, would would be biologically impossible, he was just saying Obama is the second coming of Hitler, which is something people should be aware of: “You know, the largest and greatest country in the free world put a forty-seven-year-old guy that never worked a day in his life and made him in charge of the free world,” Cooperman told the New Yorker in May. “Not totally different from taking Adolf Hitler in Germany and making him in charge of Germany because people were economically dissatisfied. Now, Obama’s not Hitler. I don’t even mean to say anything like that. But it is a question that the dissatisfaction of the populace was so great that they were willing to take a chance on an untested individual.” ***Mrs. Cooperman, for example.: She is still a liberal, a position that puts her in the minority in their social circle. “She can be a socialist because she’s married to a capitalist,” Cooperman says of his wife, who is strongly pro-choice and pro-gay marriage. She calls Todd Akin, Rick Santorum, and Rick Perry “morons,” and she worries about the underclass. “I care more about the disadvantaged people of America,” she said, comparing her politics with those of her husband.