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Goldman Sachs Pulls $120 Million From Harbinger Capital After Falcone "Loans" Himself Money From Other Fund

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Bloombergreports that Goldman Sachs plans to pull its entire investment from Harbinger Capital's flagship fund, for two reasons. 1) The returns weren't very good and 2) Falcone "borrowed" $113 million from one of his firm's smaller funds (where redemptions had been suspended) in order to pay personal taxes.

First off, everybody just breathe: one the hand, there's some good news to be gleaned here-- Phil Falcone pays his taxes! That's more than you can say for a lot of people. On the other: let us take a moment to freak the fuck out! Unless we're missing something, the fact that he needs to loan himself money from investors to pay his own taxes can't be good and there are some serious, serious things at risk in the event things take a turn for the worst. Such as:

* Wilbur, the Falcone's piano-playing pig. Who's going to take him in?

* The Little People who work the Falcone children's birthday parties

* LISA MARIE FALCONE'S WARDROBE. Gladiator. Mermaid Chic. Slutty Peacock. You think that shit comes cheap? Think again!


The Yet-To-Be Finished Memoir Of Wilbur P. Falcone

Wilbur glanced down at her watch. 12:13. Usually, she hated when people were late and, under normal circumstances, this would have gone beyond the point of what she'd tolerate. Hell, make her wait more than 5 or 6 minutes and you were ensuring you'd be receiving a series of irate texts inquiring sharply as to "WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU??????!!???" and threatening "If you're not here in 30 seconds I'm leaving." But today she was practically willing Tom to continue making her wait under the bodega awning. Just another minute. Just one more minute.