As you may have heard, speculation is mounting that New York Jets Coach Rex Ryan and his wife have starred in some foot fetish movies that can be found on the internet. In addition to forensic evidence that seems to point to the couple's involvement in the foot appreciation flick (the woman's resemblance to Michelle Ryan is uncanny, the voice of the guy off-screen sounds like Rex, the profile user "ihaveprettyfeet" can also be found on an online dating site where her location is the same Maryland city MR lived in when her husband was an assistant coach with the Ravens, the biographical information listed for "ihaveprettyfeet" matches that of Mrs. Ryan, as does the height differential between "ihpf" and her spouse to that of the Ryans), the fact that a Jets spokesman's comment to the press was "This is a personal matter," seems to indicate the Ryans may really love feet and the idea of people watching them love their feet. Think this story doesn't impact your life? THINK AGAIN!
Whether or not Rex Ryan likes to suck on toes, of course, isn't the issue here. On that point we say, don't yuck other people's yums, live and let live, etc. What you should be thinking about, if you're a hedge fund manager who values his privacy, a chief executive whose board would not want to read about such a story in the press, an analyst who doesn't want people wondering if you have an ulterior motive in downgrading Crocs to sell, a regular old financial services hack not wanting to give Wall Street haters any ammo or the like, are the lessons to be gleaned here re: keeping that shit under wraps.
To start, there's the matter of a statement to the press. "This is a personal matter" wasn't a good idea. A categoric denial, or better yet, not returning calls for comment would've been preferable. But it should never have gotten that far. In this day and age putting anything on tape is a bad idea but if you must, consider 1) investing in one of those machines they used to throw voices (like in Scream) and 2) no faces-- alternatively, have a mask created in your sworn enemy's likeness. For instance, if you were the CEO of Goldman Sachs and you insisted on appearing in an amateur fetish video, do so looking like Matt Taibbi from the neck up. And so on and so forth. Any other suggestions as to how to anonymously enjoy your fetish in a discreet way are welcomed at this time. Let's keep the Street safe for the bank CEO who-- and this is just an example I'm not pointing to anyone in particular-- likes use jello molds in a way they were definitely not intended.