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Lenny Dykstra's Crown Jewel Sold

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CNBC reports that Lenny Dykstra's Sherwood mansion, which he bought from Wayne Gretzky in 2007 and was thrown out of 2008, has been sold to an unnamed buyer for an undisclosed amount (it was sold by Index Investors, the second lienholder, which bought the place out of foreclosure last fall). At this time we'd like to take a walk down memory lane, stopping to remember the high points of Lenny's history with the manse, which will hopefully be preserved when whoever bought the place does the right thing and turns it into a Dykstra museum.

August 29, 2007: Dykstra buys the house from Wayne Gretzky. It includes 8 bedrooms, a guest house, a carriage house, views of the Sherwood Country Club and Lake Sherwood itself, a pool and a tennis court. Nails had always wanted that house; Gretzky, knowing this, told him "‘I’ll sell it to you for 23 mill." Nails said "Have another drink, man. I’ll pay 17, no money down." He ended up paying $18.5.

June 10, 2008: Having fallen on money troubles so serious that he was no longer able to fly private, LD tried selling the place. Figuring he could see a 33% return on a house he'd owned for ten months, which he was putting on the market in California at a time when things weren't going too hot for real estate, Lenny asked for $24,950,000.

March 2009: With no one ponying up the cheddar for the place (despite Dykstra’s genius idea to throw in some extras to clinch the deal, the coup de grace of the package being LD’s “Discarded Dips Of Distinction,” a collection of chewing tobacco from the great moments in his illustrious career, tastefully encased in a white gold-flecked display case), private equity firm Index Investors, which granted Dykstra a $850,000 bridge loan the prior November, secured by the 8-bedroom manse, files foreclosure papers on Dykstra’s pad last month, as does Washington Mutual, on account of Nails defaulting on his $12 million mortgage.

July 9, 2009: Dykstra officially files for Chapter 11 bankruptcy and his manse goes to the auction block. Despite the loss of his baby and financial issues, Nails remains in good spirits, telling reporters that Donald Trump has filed for bankruptcy 6 times and urging creditors to "bring it on, bros."

In a fit of genius before leaving, LD decides to tear through the place with a bat and a pair of pliers, ripping up floors and doing god knows what with toilets, which resulted in the following crime scene report:

The palatial estate was pockmarked with torn up flooring, holes in walls, missing toilets, as inspectors have tried to determine the extent of the problem. (Dykstra is also demanding the insurance company make good on its policy to put him up in a temporary residence because he says the house is now unlivable. “I don’t mean to be crude,” he says, “but where do they expect me to go to the bathroom?”)

August 25, 2009: Dykstra tells CNBC he's been living in his car.

January 15, 2010: LD vows he will not go down without a fight. Auctions off balls and phone-sex on Craiglist.

March 17, 2010: Dykstra sues JPMorgan for "predatory lending practices."

March 30, 2010: Dykstra drops suit against JPMorgan.

August 6, 2010: "The attorney for the second lienholder says Dykstra has moved back into the mansion and won’t let brokers show the home. "

October 6, 2010: Dykstra "plots financial comeback"

December 17, 2010: “I’m about one thing,” Lenny Dykstra tells Howard Eskin in minute one of a glorious interview on 610 AM Sports Talk in Philadelphia. “And that’s walking the talk.” The talking that Dykstra has been doing has centered around two things: 1) taking on what he describes as the “criminals” at JPMorgan, whose “predatory lending” practices caused him to be foreclosed on and 2) his big comeback. Both points are addressed in the chat. With regard to the former, he not only plans to take JPM to court, but he’s made it his mission to protect people like himself from these “crooks.” To that end, LD has started a “mortgage forensic research firm,” known as Predatory Lending Recovery, LLC, which despite not yet having any clients and only one testimonial, Len claims is a billion dollar business.

The takeaway here? The unnamed buyer must be a certain legendary investor now flush with cash, who does not bounce checks to prostitutes.