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Unpitted Olives Likely To Blame For Congressman Dennis Kucinich's Crankiness Surrounding The Wall Street Bailouts

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As some of you may remember, back in fall 2008, Congressman Dennis Kucinich was not at all happy about the idea of bailing out Wall Street. "Let Wall Street bailout Wall Street," he screeched. "The bailout bill is the dumbest thing I've ever seen," he said. "Is this the United States Congress or the Board of Directors Of Goldman Sachs?" he asked, losing his shit. He was taking this thing very, very hard and some wondered if perhaps he was having some personal problems. In fact, he was.

You see, just a month after Bear Stearns went down for the dirt nap, and a few prior to Lehman biting the big one, Dennis had an unfortunate run-in with some olives. Olives that he thought were pitted, considering the sandwich on which he purchased them was represented as such. Such, however, was not the case. Those fuckers had pits in them and resulted in an unknowing Kucinich suffering serious emotional and physical distress. We know this because now, three years later, he's suing the cafeteria that sold him the sando, for $150,000.

A copy of the suit obtained by the Cleveland Plain Dealer documents the April 2008 incident, in which Kucinich purchased a sandwich wrap he says was "represented to contain pitted olives." After consuming it, Kucinich found the olives were not pitted, causing "serious and permanent dental and oral injuries" that required "multiple surgical and dental procedures."

Kucinich's suit also claims he "sustained other damages," including "significant pain, suffering and loss of enjoyment." He also accuses the four firms of breach of implied warranty

Sorry if he said some stuff that seemed harsh at the time.