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FBI Finds Weird Way To Kick Alleged Insider Traders When They're Down


Not only are you people possibly going to jail, but the Feds cannot get over how shitty you are at being criminals. There's no way you guys could've ever been in the mob.

"The efforts to destroy evidence are laid out largely in the defendants' own words," said Janice Fedarcyk, the FBI's assistant director in charge, in announcing the bust yesterday.

"For all their presumed sophistication, the defendants lacked a mobster's instinct for conversational discretion."

Amateur hour over here.

Desperate Insider Cover-Up [NYP via DI]

Earlier: Former SAC Capital Employees Charged With Insider Trading Discuss Specifics Of How To Destroy Evidence

Related: "It's easy. You take two pairs of pliers, and then you rip it open...just fucking rip it open."


New York Times Finds A Weird Way To Kick Steve Cohen When He's Down

As you may have heard, things have not been going tremendously well for Steve Cohen of late. Two days before Thanksgiving, the government went public with its case against a former SAC Capital employee, Mathew Martoma, who it accused of masterminding the largest insider trading scheme ever. Cohen was neither charged nor mentioned by name in the criminal complaint, but he did make an appearance playing the role of "Portfolio Manager A," a part we have previously mentioned one does not want to portray, if it can be avoided. Then on Wednesday, it was disclosed that SAC had received a Wells notice, indicative of the SEC's plan to sue the fund and if that wasn't enough, sources also claimed investigators are considering naming Cohen personally in the suit, to boot. So things are not exactly going his way right now and what he could really use is a break. The government dropping all charges against Martoma and publicly stating it will stay out of the Big Guy's business forever starting right this second seems out of the question but even some small act of kindness would probably help. Allowing him to pass you on 95. Telling him he looks nice today. Asking, "Have you been working out?" Sending him humorous YouTube videos with a sweet note like, "Hang in there, bud. You're in my thoughts..." On the flip side, you know what he doesn't need? Wildly libelous claims that it's going to take a lot more than a "Correction" to forgive.

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Taking away the one thing he thought he had going for himself. To assess how beards affected perceptions of men’s age, attractiveness, social status and aggressiveness, Vasey and Dixson showed people of European descent in New Zealand as well as Polynesians in Samoa pictures of the same men, with and without full beards, as they displayed neutral, smiling and angry facial expressions. Both men and women said that with beards, the men looked older and more aggressive than they did with their beards shaved...Women said that the clean-shaven faces were more attractive than the whiskery ones.

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