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Goldman Sachs Execs Are Sick Of JPMorgan Getting Away With Everything They Can't

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A very wise, British-born, not banker but nevertheless partner of Goldman Sachs tasked with dealing with the firm's image once lamented, "Jamie Dimon tells the government to wank off and the public calls him oh so spirited. Would life change for me if Lloyd wore lifts?" The Masters of the Universe aren't usually ones to whine (or give a baker's fuck about what the public thinks) but honestly, what the hell? Why is it that when Goldman has some maybe non-consensual relations with the economy it's not okay but when JPMorgan does they're the best bank in the world? How is it that Goldman can somehow get blamed when a kid in Akron, Ohio kicks a puppy but senior management at JPMorgan picks up where Michael Vick left off and they're just having some fun? Or Lloyd Blankfein is a monster for passing a hobo and only giving him a dollar (when he made so much more last year) but Jamie Dimon rapes the same hobo after helping himself to some change and he's "just being affectionate." It's just not fair and it makes no sense, have come the wails from within 200 West.

The double-standard struck the most sensitive nerve, of course, immediately following the crisis when the hate for Lloyd and GS versus the perceived love for James was so great Goldman's board considered asking LB to wear a Jamie mask "just in public, or when addressing large groups of people, reporters, etc." So we were interested to find out if the public's perception of JD v. LB still chapped some Goldman hide now that things have calmed down a bit. Turns out it does.

Duff McDonald reports:

I was at a fairly large dinner party last Saturday night, and found myself sitting next to the wife of a Goldman partner. She later introduced me to her husband, whose ears perked up when I told him I'd written a biography of Dimon. "You know," he said, "we scratch our heads at Goldman every day about that guy. He can be a much bigger bully in the markets than we are, but everyone still thinks he's a prince and [Goldman CEO] Lloyd Blankfein is the devil."

Seriously, what is it? It can't be all looks because Jamie, while, yes, quite boyishly handsome, doesn't have the Lloyd Grin. Is it the hair? It's the hair, isn't it. If that's the case, you should all know LB's actually got lots of it, he just chose to start covering it with makeup a la Tom Cruise in Tropic Thunder a number of years back because he thought he had to to make CEO, as the pates of those who came before him would suggest. You want hair, he'll give you hair.

How Much Does It Suck To Be Jamie Dimon These Days [Fortune]


Lloyd Blankfein Finally Gets To Be The Prettiest Girl At The Ball

Time was, Jamie Dimon was the most popular CEO on Wall Street and America's "Least Hated Banker," for reasons that included the fact that the man has soulful blue eyes, charisma out the ass, and was in charge of one of the banks that a) didn't go out of business during the financial crisis, like Lehman and Bear and b) supposedly didn't actually need the bailout money the government made it take (as JD has said previously), like Bank of America and Citigroup. The man, in the hearts of many and especially the adoring press, could do no wrong. Which is why it probably stung a lot that Lloyd Blankfein, a Wall Street CEO who also possesses more charm than a person would know what do do with, who was also in charge of a bank that neither went out of business during the financial crisis nor required the bailout money it was forced to take (according to GS), and who is also the owner of a pair of baby blues, though in his case ones that sparkle, could only do wrong. And while LB is not one to gloat at another's misfortune, especially that of a friend, he's obviously feeling pretty good about being living proof of the old saying, "only one Wall Street CEO's balls can be in a vise at a time," and right now it's JD's turn. Dimon did not attend the annual Robin Hood Foundation party [last night], but Blankfein was there, enjoying a rare night out of the spotlight. He shook hands, introduced his wife and, grinning broadly, posed for pictures. For months, Goldman Sachs has been portrayed as the callous Wall Street behemoth whose executives collected giant bonuses while America's housing crisis worsened and unemployment rose. But Monday night was different. "No one cares about Lloyd tonight. It is Jamie against the world, and that's got to feel good for Lloyd," another hedge fund manager said. And this is just the beginning. First, they stop calling you Satan and claiming you poisoned their food, next glowing profiles and cover stories devoting major column inches to your rippling biceps and the throngs of women you beat off with a stick. Dimon Pushes Blankfein Off Hot Seat At Charity Gala [Reuters] Robin Hood Scene: Blankfein, Soros, Rihanna [Bloomberg/Photo]