Jeffrey Gundlach's Self-Described "Stunning Market Insight" Has Taken A Toll On His Sex Toys

Those of you who are familiar with superhero culture know that there is always a downside to have special powers. Sure, there are the highs of being able to, for instance, fight crime and fly, but more often than not, you can't have a normal life and often times are forced to put aside the people and things you love in order to use your gift for the greater good of society. Spiderman and Batman, for example, at various times in their lives had to give up being with the women they loved due to concerns for their safety and because it wasn't fair to the girls, always being put second to humanity, which needed their respective man's help. Someone who knows this conflict all too well? Jeffrey Gundlach.

Gundlach, who is known to have asked dining companions, “What’s it like having lunch with a genius” and forced people to refer to him as “The Godfather” and “The Pope," is the "Bond King" who was fired from TCW in late 2009, where in his office a library of porn and dildos of every color of the rainbow were found. He went on to set up a new shop called DoubleLine and success has followed. The firm's DoubleLine Total Return Bond Fund "outperformed every one of the 91 bond funds in the Morningstar intermediate-bond-fund universe in 2010, despite launching only in April" and "notched a total return of 16.6%, compared with returns of 8.36% for the giant Pimco Total Return Fund." And while some if not all managers would look at performance as something to be envied, Gundlach sees it somewhat differently. He tells Barron's:

"Look, I have a gift, or some would say a curse, of being able to have stunning insight into the reality of markets and the economy," Gundlach says, dressed resplendently at this particular moment in a well-tailored Italian suit with matching green tie and pocket square. "I don't often know where my ideas come from. Maybe it's the fact that I'm obsessively regimented in my analysis, borderline autistic. But whether it's bond selection or asset allocation, we can do it better than just about anybody around."

It's probably difficult for those lacking such stunning insight to comprehend how such an ability could be a curse. Gundlach doesn't get into that aspect further but the end of his Barron's profile reveals a hint.

He charges TCW with employing "smear tactics…to destroy our business." As for "the sex tapes and such," he says, they represented "a closed chapter in my life."

Given that someone who has the entire Ass Traffic series on file in his office, in addition to A Trip Down Mammary Lane, Weapons of Ass Destruction, Dr. Fellatio 1-16, plus restraining devices, brown rubber penises, pink chrome penises, and blue glass penises doesn't just voluntarily "close" the book, it's clear that Gundlach had to make the heartbreaking decision to spend his time putting his gift to work for DoubleLine clients and rather than neglecting his one true loves, donated them to someone who could treat them right.

But it doesn't mean he's ever stopped thinking about them. Some day, when all this is over, they'll be together again.

Jeffrey Gundlach Is The King Of Bonds [Barron's]